


Entertain Like Me

by BitterBuckyBeLittlesMe



Category: Captain America, The Avengers
Genre: Angst, Annoying!Clint, Avengers Tower, Awesome Steve, Bucky Barnes is actually a teddy bear, Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hurt, Loving!Clint, Multi, Protective!Steve, Reader Insert, Surprise relationship!, a lot of angst okay, confused reader, good guy!Steve, hurt!Tony, i kinda feel bad for Tony, some violence, typical!Loki, you - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-08-12 09:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 28,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7928770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterBuckyBeLittlesMe/pseuds/BitterBuckyBeLittlesMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you had first started this thing with him you knew what you were signing up for. You couldn't blame him for things you already knew about but you couldn't blame yourself either for wanting more of him as time passed on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: i do not own the characters, just the story.
> 
> This is a surprise relationship, it isn't established yet who the reader ends up with but the reader does become quite close sith everyone.

Being with Tony was like being with everyone and no one at all, all at the same time. He was so much at times but other times he was so little of what he usually was. He was never someone you had seen yourself with, but here you were dragging him to the couch.

He was passed out again from drinking the night away and you idly wondered why you stayed. Steve was two floors down and so into you. Sometimes it seemed like he was more into you than Tony was. 

As you tried to pull Tony up onto the couch but failed you wanted to cry. This was your life. Taking care of Tony and picking up after him like you meant next to nothing to him. It was worse because you two weren't necessarily a thing. You two hadn't put a label on what you had and neither of you made it a big deal to tell the team or talk about it yourselves.

You stood there with him at your feet, drying your eyes as best you could then slid a pillow under his head. You sat down next to him and ran your fingers through his hair, watching the calmness of his features. You'd have to see if you could find a way to hide the alcohol or at least hide yourself so you didn't have to deal with this.

“You should go to bed.” You heard Clint say, just walking into the room.

He offered you his hand and you took it gratefully, hoisting yourself up, standing next to him and looking down at Tony.

“Yeah, it's been a rough night.” You sighed out to your best friend. He put his arm around you loosely.

“He'll apologize tomorrow.” He said in an attempt to make you feel better.

“He always does, but he never means it. He says it to placate me.”

“I could kick his ass for you.” Clint said, holding onto you tighter.

Clint was an amazing best friend, annoying at times but he always had your back. 

“I'll pass, we don't need anymore fights breaking out here. Besides, it's bedtime now.”

“Want me to sing you asleep again?” He offered. 

“Yes.” You said, smiling up at him, beaming. He hardly ever offered. You had to always beg him to and he always gave in.

You two were laying in your bed, your head resting on his chest, watching dawson’s creek because you were feeling emotional.

“So I'm Joey and you're Dawson?” You asked

“Totally.”

“But I'm not secretly in love with you.”

“That's what you think.”

“That makes no sense.” You laughed, scooting as close to him as you possibly could. You were needy, always wanting human contact. It was easier to get away with it with Clint because he was your bestie.

“We're still them.”

“Oh, so you want to make your own monster film? Maybe Nat can be Jen.”

He wrinkled his nose and shook his head. 

“She'd be Jen for sure but I'm not trying to get a piece of her.”

“Worked together too long for that, huh?”

“Yes and no. But anyway, Tony could be Pacey.”

“True, looks like we got our cast all planned out.”

“This is so stupid.” He said, yawning.

“This is what people talk about at 3 a.m. When they're not making out.”

“Are you saying we should be making out?”

You pinched him, rolling your eyes, and moving over to your own side of the bed instantly regretting the decision.

“Oh so you don't wanna cuddle now?”

“Can-it Barton.”

“I'm not gonna be here tomorrow, well tonight to cuddle with so-”

You whipped around, pulling all the blankets with you, sitting up; he pulled them back annoyed.

“Where are you going?”

“It's classified.”

“Of course it is bird brain.”

“Hey, don't hate on me for getting assigned a mission.”

“You're an ass.”

“No, Fury’s an ass.” He corrected you, pulling you closer to him so you could wrap your arms around him.

You didn't respond, finally too tired to open your mouth and force sound out. He took that as a sign to start singing.

He looked down at you fondly while singing as best he could, wrapping his arms around you.

He was sucky at singing but you adored the thoughtfulness of the gesture and it always got you to sleep fast.

You woke up alone, Clint had probably left for his mission already, the jerk. 

You really couldn't blame him though, it wasn't his fault he was a skilled assassin and that the world constantly needed avenging.

You stretched out on your bed like a cat, yawning the sleep away and rubbing your eyes. You went to the bathroom then brushed your teeth, getting ready for the day.

When you walked into the kitchen to see a still passed out Tony in the living area Steve gave you an apologetic look. You shrugged back at him as if this didn't phase you, sitting next to Bucky at the island. 

Bucky nudged your shoulder in comfort, giving you the crooked smile that you loved dearly. It was funny how the little things made you feel better. 

Bucky was someone to be around if you were down because there were so many little things about him that cheered you up. He was special even if he didn't believe it himself.

Steve sat a plate with scrambled eggs and a piece of toast on it in front of you then handed you a fork. He passed you the syrup, remembering how much you loved syrup on your scrambled eggs. You thanked him quietly and ate.

You looked back at Tony, it was probably time that you wake him up or at least try to. You were tired of begging for his company, his attention. You wanted him to want you enough to want all of you but he just didn't. 

Maybe he drank himself away every night to forget that he had responsibilities. Maybe he did it to forget that he had you because you were something that he decided he shouldn't have placed in front of himself so soon because nobody was in front of Tony Stark. Maybe it was because he was simply tired of making you believe there was a pedestal for you in his life and he was showing you this way that there wasn't. 

Maybe he thought of you as someone who would never leave because he was him and people didn't just give up a chance to be with someone of his caliber. Maybe you didn't know what you were talking about.

He stirred and coughed loudly in his passed out stupor, startling you into reality, making you slip out of the chair just to land on your ass. Steve came to help you up quickly, making sure you weren't hurt. You assured him you were fine but he still seemed concerned.

You walked into the living area, sitting next to Tony on the floor. He opened one eye to let you know he was awake but you ignored it. He lazily drug his hand over to you, resting it on your knee. You sighed audibly, aware that Bucky and Steve, now Bruce as well were all watching you and Tony.

“Tony, you need to get up.” You said flatly

He grumbled incoherently and patted your knee. There was a pile of drool in front of him.

“Tony, come on.” You said, shaking his shoulder.

He tried batting you away and sat up slowly, holding his head.

“I feel like shit.” He groaned, leaning against the couch for support.

“That's because you are shit.” Bucky said loud enough for Tony to hear.

“Fuck you.” Tony groaned out, flipping Bucky off who just laughed in response.

Your eyes made it back to Tony’s, defeat written all over yourself. He smiled lazily at you, pulling you to him. You allowed him a small kiss against your lips and then pushed him back with a sad smile on your face that he didn't notice.

“Sorry about last night, babe.”

“It's okay.” You lied.

“Y/N, can you help me in the lab?” Bruce asked timidly.

“If that's code for sex it better not be.” Tony said jokingly with a hint of warning laced into it.

“Quit it.” You reprimanded, looking at Bruce's embarrassed expression and Steve's caught off guard spit take.

“Of course i can.” You said a bit too eagerly, happy to be away from Tony detail. Bruce got his cup of coffee and motioned you to follow him to the elevator.

You made it to his lab in no time. He was usually organized but papers were scattered about everywhere, a few things strown around. He handed you his laptop and asked you if you could type while he spoke so he could do his work without having to stop to write things down. You nodded, anything for Bruce. He was a sweetheart.

After twenty minutes of comfortable silence you spoke up.

“How are you and Nat doing?”

“Oh, uh, great. I just don't know where to take her on a date. What would suit her ya’know?”

“Take her on a mission, that's about the only place you could take a girl like her.”

“You're probably right. . . . How about you and Tony?”

“Same old same old. He's too drunk to care and I'm too sober to make him.”

“He's just being himself.” Bruce said matter of factly.

“I'm tired of picking up after him and cleaning up his messes.” You said, leaning your arm on the table and resting your head.

“Then don't.” Bruce said simply.

“It's not that easy.” You complained.

“Isn't it though? Just say no. Make the decision yourself.”

You nodded thoughtfully, not commenting on what he had just said. Instead you scooted the laptop closer to you on the counter and got ready to type.

“Up the dosage of serum six by 20%.” Bruce spoke as you typed. “Allow the gestation period to last six weeks this time instead of four, and try to get the deficiency level to zero.”

You were helping Bruce out for about two hours before Tony, walked in, his confidence radiating off of him.

“How's my girl doing?” He asked sarcastically and that's what killed you. Everything had to be sarcastic, a joke, anything but reality.

“She is doing a great job at typing. I should hire her to be my assistant.” Bruce said.

“Oh, so you can do the whole assistant boss sex cliche.”

“You are aware that Nat and I are together, right?”

“Yes but i know men and men aren't just going to pass up opportunities like that.”

“You mean you know you.” Bruce said, punctuating each word.

“That makes me feel so secure.” You said to Tony, more than a bit offended that he had just admitted his aggreance to infidelity in front of you. 

“Come on, I'm not that bad.” He said, occupying himself with Bruce's papers that were strown around.

“You're terrible.” You said, trying to keep your tone as light as possible but you didn't fool Bruce.

“Only for you.” Tony said back, nipping at your ear. You swatted him away annoyed.

“I'm kind of busy here.” You said to him, tone a little sharper than you'd meant it. He recovered quickly though.

“I understand, too busy with the green giant, typing out boring words instead of going out with me.” He trailed off as he walked out of the room.

“He wants me to go to some gala with him tonight.” You explained.

“You gonna go?”

“Any way you'd want to take my place?”

He laughed lightly and shook his head, stepping back from his microscope. “If you don't want to go just tell him. It's not going to hurt his ego, trust me.”

“I'm thinking about telling him I can't go because of cramps.”

“I'm not gonna tell you what to do.”

“I wasn't asking you to.”

“See, the lines get blurry with you, it's hard to figure out what to say to you.”

You looked at him worried, you didn't want to be a hassle.

“Not that that's a bad thing.” He said hastily. “It's a good thing. Keeps people on their feet.”

“Not Steve. He always knows what to say to me, Tony on the other hand . . . He doesn't care enough to bother.”

“Ask him to care and see where that goes. You could go do that now, i think we're done here. Thanks for helping me out.”

“Ehh, he's probably too hungover still to listen. And no problem, anytime you need help i'm here.” You said, handing over his laptop and making you way out of there.

People like Bruce were far and inbetween. It was luck that you had met him and became his friend, someone he was comfortable enough with to ask for help. You liked helping the avengers in anyway you could, you liked to feel like a part of the team. Bruce went out of his way sometimes to make you feel important.

You wanted to drag Bruce up to Tony and say ‘see, this is how someone acts when they love someone else, they go out of their way to make them happy!’ But the thing was Tony hadn't said he loved you.

He had said it a few times while he was drunk, hands all over you as you loosened his belt but that wasn't the same thing as saying it and meaning it. That was saying it because he didn't know what else to say and maybe because in his drunk haze he thought he did.

When you had first started this thing with him you knew what you were signing up for. You couldn't blame him for things you already knew about but you couldn't blame yourself either for wanting more of him as time passed on. 

He'd just look at you with those chocolate brown eyes of his and playfully call you a tease. He'd say it and you'd feel it, like a bottomless pit. You'd take and take from him and never be full, you'd never have enough, even if it were things like that.

But he wasn't giving more of himself, he wasn't looking at you the same way anymore and maybe it was because you had dulled in his mind and turned into a past treasure, already conquered. 

“Bucky? Sit with me?” You whined when you came back to the living area where Bucky was sitting on the chair. The tv was on, a hoarders episode.

You plopped down on the sofa, pouting. He looked at you for a moment then shook his head and smiled, getting up and sitting next to you. You took his metal hand in yours, resting it in your lap and smoothed your fingers over the metal.

“Clint not here?” He asked conversationally.

“No, he went on a mission.”

“I knew there was a reason you've been annoying me.” He laughed.

“Hey, it's not like I don't talk to you or hang around you when Clint is here.”

“True, but Clint is very territorial.”

“I thought that was your job?” You said, elbowing him lightly.

“Hmm, maybe it could've been.”

“But?”

“But I'm just not the right guy. On top of that, Steve likes you a hell of a lot.”

“So you all say. He's never told me that himself.” You said, leaning against Bucky and laying your head on his shoulder.

“We can't all be like Tony.” He said

“Damn straight.” Tony said, you hadn't heard him walk in. “Get off my girl, frosty.”

“Your girl?” Bucky questioned sarcastically.

Tony sat his power shake down hard onto the counter, causing you and Bucky to both look at him in surprise.

“How many of them, huh, y/n?”

“Excuse me?” You said, feeling yourself get heated.

“Clint, Bruce, and Bucky, you're fucking all three of them!” He said, accusatorial

Bucky looked at you in amusement, not at all moved by Tony’s anger. You stared at Tony angrily, feeling a bit defensive.

“Don't forget yourself.” You said bitterly.

“I'm going to be on my way now, looks like you two need some privacy.” Bucky said quietly to you, ducking in to kiss your cheek briefly before leaving silently.

“You know i'm all for being a slut but come on!” Tony said, throwing his hands out in the air. “That wasn't a green light to fuck the whole team!”

You stood up angrily, crossing your arms, trying to hold back.

“You didn't even ask me if i did or not! You just accused me of being a slut, and if that's what you think of me I don't think we're on the same page anymore.”

“Didn't think i had to ask, it all looked quite obvious to me what with the whole ‘help me in the lab’ type shit.”

“When you got there i was on the laptop! I had been on the laptop the entire time in my own chair, across the desk from Bruce!”

“So, that doesn't mean you don't want it to happen!” 

He hadn't gotten this mad in a while but you were just as mad so you didn't back down. Your hands were balled into fists at your sides. 

“I haven't fucked the whole team but if that's what you think maybe i should.”

“Like they'd want you.” He scoffed, turning around so his back was facing you.

That hurt, that more than hurt. That made tears start to form and made you look at Tony with a sad expression that soon turned into anger.

“Fuck you, Tony.” You said, voice a little shaky, walking out of the living area, passing the kitchen and slapping his power shake across the room. He didn't respond, just opened the fridge.

You found yourself wrapped in Steve's arms. He had bumped into you halfway down the hall and had noticed your tears. You were sobbing terribly, steve was rubbing your back soothingly and trying his best to hush you with his comforting hums.

He didn't know why you were crying and he decided that he didn't need to. You were upset and that didn't sit well with him.

He suddenly picked you up bridal style and carried you to your room, sitting you on your bed silently, still semi holding you.

Tony couldn't have meant what he said. You couldn't understand why he would've said that. He knew you were close with most of the team, you were a friendly person and they had all accepted that. It wasn't fair that Tony could cheat and think he was better than you. You knew he had cheated. You caught him red handed and he had given you a quick apology, with a limited promise to never do it again.

And as far as Tony was concerned it wasn't cheating because you and him weren't exactly together but to you, you weren't exactly apart either.

Maybe it was time you both chose one or the other.

You rubbed your eyes with your hands, wiping the snot from your nose onto the sleeve of you shirt, blubbering apologies to Steve that he shushed.

After a while you finally calmed down, able to concentrate on the way that Steve wrapped around you protectively.

“What happened?” He asked quietly, tightening his arms around you. His face full of concern.

You sniffled once more and wrapped your arms around his neck, breathing in the clean and calming scent of him.

“Tony, he- he’s an asshole.”

“What did he do?”

“We got into a fight because he thinks I'm sleeping with everyone in the tower and he didn't even give me a chance to confirm or deny that. It offended me because of course I haven't so i said maybe i should, because i was mad. Then he said nobody would want me anyway. It just hurt ya’know,coming from him considering all things.”

If Steve was angry he hid it well, holding you back to look you in the eyes, his hand on your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“It doesn't matter if he believes nobody would want you. You are a great girl, y/n, beautiful. If he can't appreciate you then he doesn't deserve you.” He said sincerely, his eyes swimming with the warmth he always carried himself with, or maybe it was the warmth he felt for you.

You nodded, looking down and away from him. You wanted to feel his arms around you again, you wanted to feel safe and comfortable. You wanted him to smother you with who he was, to give you a piece of himself, to give you everything Tony wouldn't. 

It wasn't fair of you to want so much of him and as he looked at you in confusion all you felt was a deep warmth in your heart for him that was fighting with your brain that screamed Tony.

You leaned forward hugging Steve fiercely, allowing a few more tears to escape onto his shirt. He hugged you back after a moment, smoothing back your hair and kissing your forehead, allowing you to hold onto him like he could save you.

He was mad. He was beyond angry, he dared think he was pissed. Who did Tony think he was to disrespect someone as sweet as you. And it didn't matter that you were sweet or kind or that you were beautiful like he had stated. What mattered is that Tony had disrespected you when you had trusted him to be there for you.

It wasn't just that he had had a crush on you the moment he had laid eyes on you and it wasn't that you always smiled brightest, shyly, when he complimented you. It was because you were you and that had always been enough for him, unlike Tony.

Tony always wanted you to be someone else. He wanted you to be wild and heartless, fearless with the way you gave away your heart to him while he gave nothing to you. He wanted you to whine and protest just to give in moments later. He wanted to see how far he could push your love, how far he could bend your relationship until it no longer fit together for him. He wanted to build you from scratch and program you like you were some project of his that hadn't been quite right.

He wanted you to be so many things there wasn't enough blueprints in the world to create you, not enough scientists to think of you, and not enough technology to program you.

Steve just wanted you, as you were, appreciating the way your hair whipped in the air, the sound of your laugh, the way that you touched people's hearts so innocently; he wanted you as a whole. Not created, not thought up, not programmed, but you in your corkiness, in your shyness. Everything. But he couldn't tell you because your heart was beating for another and a revelation like this would only confuse you more.

He didn't want to confuse you, he didn't want to kill you like Tony was doing. He didn't want to make you choose or tell you how awful Tony was.

Tony was Tony and well, no one understood your undying love for the monster you called your man.


	2. Chapter 2

"Loki, please.” You asked, watching him meditate.

You still weren't talking to Tony and he didn't even attempt to apologize yet. It had been a week already.

“How you got into my room is beyond me but you should leave at once.” He said, not opening his eyes.

“I just need to get away for a while. I've never asked you before.” You reasoned.

“Ah, but if I indulge you now who's to say you won't want me to indulge you again and again.”

“Please?” You asked desperately, eyes full of desperate need.

He opened his eyes, regarding you calmly with no hint of him agreeing to you or denying you. He stood up gracefully, a smirk set on his lips.

“Very well, my dear. Where would you like to go?”

You hadn't expected him to say yes, you didn't expect the look of understanding to wash over his usually smug features either.

“Take me back, to before.”

“You'll have to be more specific. There are a trillion different ‘befores’.”

“To the beginning, of Tony and I.”

He faltered for a moment, seeming surprised by your request. “Are you sure that's wise?” He put a hand on your shoulder, watching you carefully.

“It's all i have left.”

“Memories do not make the man, y/n. They do not make up for what has been done, they are simply reminders of your life.”

“Remind me then.” You whispered. 

He nodded, doing as you had asked him, even if he didn't agree.

You blinked once and found yourself in Tony’s bed. The shirt you had gotten him before thrown onto the ground. That shirt was long gone now.

“There's my girl!” Tony said in a sing song voice, meaning it, coming out of the bathroom with steam trailing behind him.

He jumped onto the bed, landing right next to you and kissed your wrist because it was the closest to him. You remembered this.

“There's my man.” You said back playfully, recalling this like it was yesterday. You got on top of him, straddling him like you had before and pressed your lips to his.

He smiled underneath you, letting his hands roam your body. When you separated your lips from his he stared into your eyes with a look you hadn't seen him sport in a year.

You lifted your hand to run your fingers through his hair, looking at him just as adoringly as he was looking at you. You rolled off of him, turning your head to look at him and he did the same.

He was so handsome. You noticed the stubble on his face, the way his chocolate brown eyes were searching yours, his smile that looked so effortless on him, the way he looked at you like you could've been his everything.

You wanted to pause this moment and put it in a locket that you could wear around your neck and watch when you were angry at him or when you swore to yourself that you hated him.

You wanted him to be this Tony but if you recalled right, this Tony didn't last very long.

“Whacha thinking about?” He asked you, wiping his thumb across your lower lip out of habit.

“You.” 

“Ditto.”

You sighed contently, allowing him to take everything from you. Now you wished you hadn't.

“Promise you'll never leave my side?” He asked you. He didn't look like he knew the weight that questioned carried and how willing you were to carry it.

You remembered when he had said that you felt whole inside, like you had finally found a home within someone else. You didn't know then that he'd retract everything.

“I promise I'll never leave your side.” You said, trying to keep the shakiness out of your voice.

“Good, baby, because I don't know if i could live without you.” He said, kissing the tip of your nose and finding your hand with his.

You closed your eyes and tried to smile. When you opened them you started to say what you were supposed to next but you realized you were back in front of Loki again, who was eyeing you with amusement.

“It seems he can live without you.” He mused, humming lightly.

“I know.” You said defeated.

You thought you saw a hint of compassion in his eyes before they flicked back to his usual disinterested look.

“That wasn't the beginning.”

“It was the real beginning of you and Tony in your eyes.” He was silent for a moment before he spoke again. “I don't recommend you go back to the beginning, dear. It will only trouble you further. The man he was then is the man he is now. You just held him in higher regards then.”

“Fooled by his charm.” You laughed humorlessly.

“You're not the first.” He said dully, unintentionally making you feel worse. It was just an observation.

“And I won't be the last.”

He nodded in agreement, letting you take in what you had just said. You knew he wasn't making you happy and you weren't making him happy. It was time to move on.

“Thanks, Loki. You're a good friend.”

“Please, i am no friend.”

“Yes you are.”

“I am not. I am Merely a prince with no relationships tethering me down.”

“Okay, whatever you say.” You said, giving him a smile and walking out the door. You had wanted to hug him but thought better of it.

“Y/N?” He said your name, making you stop mid step to turn and regard him easily.

“Yes?”

“Was it worth it?” He asked, his tone fetching towards a worried sound.

“Yes.” You said, your eyes twinkling from the tears that you refused to let spill out.

“What about him?”

“Why do you care?” You whispered.

He looked away ashamed for a moment before he planted his gaze right on you, struggling to find the words in himself.

He was a mystery to you, always had been. Especially when he had accepted your friendship easily when he could've made it so much harder. He thought highly of you that much was clear but you knew he would never admit it.

You had let it go a long time ago, not wanting to change him, instead letting him go on as he was. He was chaos but he was brilliant and you had always seemed to bring out the part of him that was in between.

“Believe it or not but i feel you deserve much better than that sorry excuse for a human being.”

“He's not that bad.” You said, defending Tony without a second thought.

“Was he worth it?”

“No.” You said reluctantly, letting your shoulders drop in defeat.

Loki put a hand on your face, a fierce look in his eyes.

“Then by all means, my dear, go find someone who is.”

You lept forward, wrapping your arms around him, stunning him with your reaction. He didn't hug back at first, too overwhelmed to do anything but look at you in mock disgust.

“That was not an invitation to wrap your noodles that you call arms around me.”

You laughed back in response, seeing the forgiveness in his eyes. You were probably the first person to hug him in ages. He pushed you forward towards the door, telling you he had to get back to more important things. 

You let him kick you out of his room with the promise that you'd be back later.

“Who do you think you are, Stark!?” You heard someone yell.

Oh no. You sighed to yourself, running down the hall to find the voices you now heard that were becoming louder and louder.

You found Steve and Tony in the living area, at odds with each other. They hadn't noticed you entrance, neither did Nat who was doing her best to hold Steve back. Clint was lounging back on the couch enjoying the show.

You had moved to the side just in time to escape a run in with Bruce. He looked at you briefly, unstable probably from the scene before you. You wanted to follow him and help him but you couldn't move your feet that were planted in place.

“Don't you ever talk like that to her again!” Steve said, voice loud and angry, pushing past Nat and connecting his fist with Tony’s face.

“What the fuck!” Tony said, appalled that Steve would hit him over something like this.

“I'm serious. I will hurt you.” Steve had never sounded more dangerous.

“You just hurt me! What does she matter to you? She's not your girlfriend!” Tony said, holding his cheek.

“She's not yours either!” Steve said back still just as angry, trying to move past Nat once again.

“What? You wanna throw down over someone like her?” Tony scoffed. “Let's fucking do this.”

“Back off Tony.” Nat warned

“I will when he does!” Tony said, eyeing Steve for any quick movements.

“I'm not done with you Stark!”

“Jarvis, get me my suit!”

“Stop!” You yelled, walking forward, letting yourself be seen.

Steve straightened up as soon as he saw you, still kind've in a combative stance but his expression was softer.

Tony stayed as he was, with his chest puffed out, ready for a fight. His cheek was already turning purple.

You stood between the two of them, facing Steve, pushing him back with your hands on his chest. He relaxed under your touch, his face a mix of emotions.

You turned to look at Tony, who was looking at you in disbelief. When he noticed your gaze his expression changed to anger, as if you were someone to be malicious to. You frowned at him slightly as he let out an outraged sound and stalked off to the elevator without a word.

“That could've been worse.” Nat commented, standing next to you with her arms crossed. She looked between you and steve then grabbed Clint off the couch. “We'll see you two later, we're gonna go check on Tony.” Clint groaned in response.

“So why did you confront Tony and punch him in the face?” You asked. He looked back ashamed.

“It angered me the way he talked about you. Somebody needed to let him know it was wrong.” He said as if he were talking to a commanding officer.

“I think he knows it was wrong, Steve.”

“I needed to be sure because you're worth so much more than what he's said about you.”

“And when did you decide that?”

“I've always known that.” He stated.

“I think i need to go talk to Tony, officially break things off with him.” You said, hoping you hadn't offended him by ignoring what he had just said.

He nodded at you, he wasn't going to force you to stay and he wasn't about to tell you what to do. 

You found Tony in his lab, throwing parts together before he slammed his fists on the table and wiped all the parts off, letting them clatter to the ground.

When he saw you he calmed down slightly, bending down to pick up the mess he had just made. 

“What do you want?” He asked sounding tired.

“I thought it was time we talked.” 

“About?”

“Us.”

He stopped picking things up, setting what he already had on the counter in front of him and looked at you patiently.

“What about us?”

“I think you know.”

“I'm sorry about what i said to you. I shouldn't have done that. I didn't mean it, honest.”

“What about what you said to Steve about me?”

“I was mad and I didn't mean it, you know I didn't mean it.”

“I think we should see other people.” You said boldly, better just to rip the bandaid off instead of pulling slowly.

He looked shocked that you had come to that conclusion. Like he had expected a quick forgiveness from you so you could go on as before. But you couldn't do that anymore. You couldn't fight to be with someone who wouldn't do the same for you.

“Y/N-”

You put up a hand to silence him. There was nothing he could say that would make you crumple or falter.

“Tony, don't. You've done enough, honestly. I just want to be happy again.”

“I thought you were.” He said, and he really had thought that.

“You thought a lot of things.”

“I thought of you. All the time.” He said, trying to coax you back to him with the sadness in his eyes.

“You thought of yourself Tony. At least be honest with yourself if you won't be honest with me.”

“A year and a half together and this is it? What about the gala?” He asked you, still mystified.

“It's been two years actually but okay. Maybe you should think about how you just answered. Maybe that will explain why this is it.”

“It's Steve isn’t it? I saw how you turned to him first like he was some priority of yours!” He spat, suddenly angry.

“Do yourself a favor and grow up, Tony.” You said back, acid in your tone. “It wouldn't have mattered if he were my priority or if you were. You still wouldn't get it.”

He looked at you hopelessly, stepping forward, trying to reach into your space. You stepped back, shaking your head. You were going to be a big girl about this. No giving in.

“Y/N. Please, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, about everything.”

“It's not okay, but i forgive you.” You didn't even give him a goodbye as you turned around. You didn't give him anything he had wanted this time. 

He thought you and him were in a good place together aside from the one comment he had made to you. He thought your world was shining because well, he was him and you got him in your life.

He didn't have to wonder where he had went wrong or what exactly he had done to cause this to happen. All he had to do was look at himself in the mirror and hate everything he saw.

“You know he's going to be drinking more than he already does. God, it's gonna suck to have to live with him!” Clint groaned underneath you. “Why couldn't you have been a good little slut and just slept with him. Woulda made things all better.”

You punched him in the arm as best you could in your current position. You needed someone to hug, someone who would let you hug them like a monkey and not think anything of it. You were looking for Bucky but Clint was the next best thing, except right now he was getting on your nerves.

“That was a joke!” He said, rubbing his arm.

“You're a joke.” You retorted.

“Your face is a joke?” He said, but it sounded more like a question.

You rolled your eyes and patted his face in a truce.

“Thanks for being here.” You said seriously, letting love seep into your tone.

He shoved you off of him and made a disgusted face.

“Eww, don't get all soft on me.” He griped.

“That's what she said!” You giggled, hiding under the covers.

“You're turning into Tony!” He said tiredly.

“I better not be.” You grumbled, snaking your arms around him once again.

“Maybe he really meant it when he said he was sorry.”

You wrinkled your nose and shook your head against him, feeling the softness of his t-shirt against your face.

“Tony doesn't mean something then say it.” You reasoned to yourself or Clint you weren't sure.

“He could change.” Clint said, you both exchanged glances and immediately laughed hysterically. 

You felt bad though because you didn't want to sit and make fun of someone who still meant something to you, who had meant so much more at one time. You wanted to love him the right way now, from a distance like you should've before. This wasn't love though and it wasn't light hearted joking to you like Clint saw it. This was ragging on who Tony was deep down, on who he'd never grow out of.

“Would you change?” You asked after he had calmed down.

“For you? Never.” He scoffed, holding you tighter signaling to you that his words were a farce.

“Come on Clint.”

“Fine. I might.”

He was giving you as much as he could without hurting himself. He was telling you a form of the truth that was so far away from the real thing he wanted to slap himself.

Of course he would change for you, if he were like Tony and said all the wrong things at all the wrong times and talked to much for his own good, not to mention the way he acted like he cared by not caring and disregarded your emotions, acting like you were just another thing he could work on and fix later, then yeah he'd change in a heartbeat.

Clint wasn't ready to tell you that, wasn't ready to be vulnerable to you or seen by you. You were his best friend of course and over the years when anyone had asked him what you meant to him he had always answered ‘more than the world’. He had said it with a goofy smile on his face and warmth in his eyes because you always seemed to brighten things up for him.

He had realized along the way that it wasn't just for him, that you seemed to be full of light, touching anyone with it who would let you. You were someone everyone needed but rarely got and he knew he was lucky to be your friend. He knew Tony was damn lucky to have had you the way he did but he also knew how much you adored Tony. He never wanted to get in the way of what you wanted, even if he didn't agree.

Maybe it was all an excuse and he was just scared of rejection. He didn't think long enough on it to know.

When he looked back down at you, sprawled out on him, your eyelashes fluttering from dream land, he didn't know if he could love you anymore than he already did in that very moment.


	3. Chapter 3

"Morning, sleepy.” You heard Clint’s voice.

“You stayed.” You mumbled still half asleep, eyes still closed. You felt his fingers through your hair and sighed in content.

“Couldn't leave you all alone, you wouldn't let me anyway with the way you were holding onto me.”

“You're stronger than me, bird brain.”

“Hmmm, you must've just suddenly acquired super human strength.”

“Ma’am?” Jarvis Spoke. “I apologize for interrupting.”

“Yes?”

“You are wanted in the lab.”

“Bruce?”

“Natasha this time ma’am.”

You exchanged a confused look with Clint but followed Jarvis’ orders anyway, watching Clint shoot up the vents on your way out. Of course he was going to eavesdrop.

Nat was sitting gracefully in Bruce's chair and that hurt your self esteem instantly. It wasn't her fault she was undeniably beautiful and wickedly gorgeous in every sense of the word.

“Glad you could make it.” She said.

“Don't know if i am myself yet.”

“Don't worry, you're not in trouble.”

“Oh, good. For a minute i thought.”

“It is about Tony though.”

“So i might as well be in trouble, what is it?”

“Are you aware he took some no named blonde to the gala last night?”

“No.”

“Did you know he's beyond shit faced, lying in a pool of his own vomit?” She said standing up.

“No, but i broke up with him, well i broke things off with him.”

Her eyes widened in understanding but she quickly regained her composure.

“It hasn't even been a day yet and he's as bad as I've ever seen him.”

“Don't make me feel guilty, Tasha.”

“I'm not trying to. I'm just suggesting you talk to him one more time.”

“About what? There's not much to talk about.”

“Maybe if he sees you've moved on he will too.”

“Moved on with who though?”

“I can think of a few eligible team members right now.” She said smirking, walking behind you.

You smiled down at the ground out of embarrassment. Not believing her for a second.

“Nah.”

“Really now? I thought you'd be all over this.”

“Well I don't see why i should.”

“I'd go for Rhodey if i were you, Stark's best friend.”

“I'm not going to do that.”

“It was a well placed joke.” She said smoothly, walking back in front of you.

“I'm not in the mood for joking.”

“Have you been spending a lot of time with Steve lately? You're starting to sound like Steve.”

“No, i just- I'm going to check on Tony.”

“Atta girl.” She said, sitting back in the chair, waiting for Bruce.

When you found Tony with Jarvis’ help Steve was already there, helping a passed out Tony into his bed and covering up the vomit with a towel. 

He smiled shyly at you when he saw you and then grimaced when he saw the way you looked at Tony. It was a look that was usually reserved for Tony, a mix of desperate sadness with a hint of fondness. It was enough to make Tony look away from you and stutter over his words briefly whenever he cared enough to notice it.

“Sorry you had to take care of this Steve.” You said, helping him throw liquor bottles into a trash bag along with the vomit towel.

“It's not a big deal, someone had to do it. You deserved a break from it. I was hoping to get this done before someone told you about it because you always look so upset afterwards.”

“You should have just left him.” You said, eyes on Tony.

“You don't mean that.” Steve said, voice warm even though it was disbelieving.

“Do you know how many times he's done this? Do you know how many nights i waited up for him, just for him to get home like this?”

“The point is you shouldn't have had to do that. You shouldn't have to do that now.” He put a hand on your shoulder comfortingly. “Let's go get some breakfast, huh?”

“Yeah, okay, i guess.” You said allowing him to walk you out of the room, leaving Tony to take care of himself.

You sat at the island while Steve flipped pancakes, whistling some tune you didn't recognize.

“I asked Loki to take me back to the beginning.”

“You did?” He asked, giving you all of his attention that wasn't focused on the pancakes.

“I thought that it would help me figure out something but it just made me miss him.”

Steve held a blank expression on his face, nodding slightly. 

“If you miss him then-”

“I don't miss him, miss him.”

“Oh.” 

That probably confused him but you didn't have the energy to explain.

“I just wished he cared more is all. I used to think he cared so much but i see now that he doesn't.”

“Maybe he's trying to and he hasn't quite figured out how to yet.” Steve offered in Tony’s defense.

“It doesn't matter. I'm not waiting for him to come around anymore.”

“Hmm.” Steve hummed, stacking pancakes onto a plate and handing them to you.

“Why are you always cooking for everyone?” You asked amused.

“He doesn't cook for everyone, just you.” Bucky said, while grabbing your plate of pancakes and eating one. Steve looked at him like a disapproving mother. Bucky shrugged in response.

“I've cooked for you.” Steve said towards Bucky, cheeks turning pink. 

“Yeah maybe 70 years ago.” Bucky joked. Steve turned back to the pan, putting more batter onto it.

“Don't tease him.” You whispered to Bucky, whapping him on the head with your hand.

“Ow!” Bucky said loudly, startling Steve causing him to drop the spatula.

“Don't be a baby.” You said to Bucky, rolling your eyes.

“Are my two favorite children playing nice?” Clint said dropping down from the vents gracefully.

“He started it.” You said like a whiney child, pointing at Bucky who slapped your hand away.

“Do you guys need a timeout?” Clint tisked, pulling you into his arms and resting his chin on your head. Steve took a side glance but quickly went back to his pancake making.

“You know i hate it when you pretend to be ‘daddy’ Clint.” You laughed, shoving him off.

“Who says I'm pretending.” He said back smugly.

“Ew.” Bucky said around a bite of pancake.

“God, this is just as bad as ‘uncle’ Clint if not worse.” You groaned.

Steve stayed silent. You could tell he was getting uncomfortable. You adored him and the way he behaved about things. It was adorable. 

“Hey, Steve?”

“Yes?” He answered you, voice coming out a bit too high.

“You wanna do something later? We could spar, there's this trick I've been wanting to learn.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. Of course.” He said, handing you another plate of pancakes you would surely protect this time.

You all turned to the sound of footsteps, seeing Tony slug his way into the kitchen area. He looked up at you all, resting his eyes on you for a moment then reverting back to everyone else.

No one spoke. Clint pulled you off the stool you were sat on and put his arm around you casually, whispering yo mama jokes in your ear that made you laugh. 

Bucky started whistling off tune, busying himself with Nat’s magazine that was on the counter and Steve took his plate of pancakes and rushed out.

Tony coughed twice, going about his own business, feeling the awkwardness all around. He hadn't spoken, not that he wanted to. He was afraid that if he did that he'd turn into a mess at your feet, begging for forgiveness. That wasn't something a Stark did, especially in front of the team.

He grabbed his coffee as soon as it was poured and left the room without a second glance at anyone.

It wasn't that the team was disowning him or anything, they just didn't know how to approach a hungover Tony. Usually you had been the one to help him and bring him back down to reality and without you there for that no one knew what to do.

Tony would just have to figure this out for himself. He had to get over this. You felt that he was just holding onto this because he was mad that someone had refused him, that someone had told him no and that he wasn't enough anymore. 

You weren't going to let him blame you for how he was now. You couldn't allow him to break his fall and say it was you. You couldn't be his crutch anymore.

“Wanna go to the pool?” Clint asked enthusiastically.

“Only if Bucky bear goes too.” You said.

“I would but you see, i have this metal arm and rust is such a hassle.”Bucky motioned towards his metal arm with his hand, giving you a mock look of disappointment.

“Please?” You asked, draping yourself over the table dramatically. Bucky and Clint laughed in response.

“Nah.”

“Don't turn me down Bucky, you'll regret it.” You tried to sound menacing which made the both of them laugh even harder.

“I'll go if you stop calling me Bucky bear.”

“Hmm, I'll stop calling you Bucky bear for a week.”

“A month.” He challenged.

“Fine.” You said, a scowl on your face.

The pool was fantastic. It was just the right temperature, the right clarity, the right height, but it was Tony’s.

You dipped your feet in, sitting on the side of the pool. You had to remind yourself that this was the Avengers pool. It belonged to all of them, Tony just designed it and thought of it.

You swung your feet back and forth, watching the water ripple from your movements. It resembled one of those flashbacks people have in movies and tv shows you thought idly.

Bucky and Clint were racing to the end of the pool. Clint chalked his loss down to the fact that Bucky’s metal arm helped him tread water better, which it probably did but you weren't going to stop Clint from being a sore loser.

“You gonna get in?” Bucky asked, swimming over to you, wrapping his fingers around one of your ankles.

“What are you gonna do? Pull me in by my leg if i say no?” You said back playfully.

“Maybe, maybe I won't.”

He let go of your ankle and stood up in the water, it went up to his chest. He was looking past you, smirking. You didn't have time to register anything before clint picked you up and threw you into Bucky's waiting arms. You screamed as you floated through the air, a smile on both Clint and Bucky’s faces.

“You asshole!” You laughed, slapping Bucky's shoulder.

“I caught you, doesn't that make me less of an asshole?”

“No.”

“Fine.” He said, dropping you into the water without warning. 

The water flooded around you, you had good reflexes so you didn't breathe in any water but when you resurfaced it was on. You grabbed one of the foam noodles near you and went after Bucky who was retreating as fast as he could in the water.

“Get em’ hun!” Clint shouted in encouragement.

You huffed at that but kept after Bucky. Smacking him with the foam noodle twice before he turned around and grabbed you, knocking the noodle out of your hand.  
He spun the two of your around in the water a few times, a grin on his face. 

You reached up to touch his cheek, he was so beautiful and you wanted to admire him. You could've been having a moment right then.

You looked into his blue eyes that sometimes looked gray and you knew that you loved him. He was something you had never known before.

You saw the halves of him that made him whole and you adored each one. It didn't matter that he was wrong once or that he was too caring once or that he wasn't quite himself once. You loved him. You wanted him to know how much you loved him.

“You two gonna kiss or what?” Sam asked, walking through the doors. 

You blinked twice, finally looking away from Bucky awkwardly. He did the same, setting you down into the water carefully.

You squealed as soon as you saw Sam. You had missed him terribly. He'd been on a very long mission with Thor who you had missed as well.

“Hey there. Thought you'd be with Tony.” Sam said back, sitting in one of the lounge chairs.

“They're on a permanent hiatus.” Clint chimed in with an attitude. You didn't know why he had one, it was confusing.

“Really? I always thought you two were gonna last a long time.”

“We did for him anyway, his longest relationship before me was a one nighter so.” You said, splashing your hand into the water rhythmically.

“His loss, right?” Sam said, comfortingly.

“Yeah, which unfortunately became my gain.” Clint said, getting out of the pool. “She's so clingy.”

“Shut up!” You said, splashing water at Clint.

“This explains why he's not doing any work. He's always working on something and he's on the floor of his lab with a bottle in his hand right now.” Sam said.

“He's always drinking, Sam.” Bucky said, obviously.

“No he doesn't.” Sam claimed.

“You're just saying no because i said yes!” Bucky said, face palming.

“Not true.” Sam said a bit childishly.

“If i say a car is red you say it's maroon!” Bucky claimed.

“Guys, come on. This is dumb, I'll settle it for the two of you if you want.” You said, climbing out of the pool and taking Clint’s hand for help.

“We all already know the answer.” Bucky said smugly.

“Ehh, I'm tired of your voice.” Sam grumbled at Bucky.

“I'm tired of both of you!” Clint said, bringing you a towel.

“Let's all go our separate ways before we kill each other.” You said, shooing everyone in different directions. Clint went up the vents, while Bucky went for the stairs and Sam the elevator. 

It was time to find Steve.


	4. Chapter 4

"Where's Steve?”

“Why must you ask me? Do you honestly think i care where Mr. America is?”

“Come on, Loki. You know where everyone is!”

“So.”

“So? Be a pal, a friend, an amigo.”

He raised an eyebrow at that, a small smirk finding it's way onto his lips.

“What have I told you before?”

“Ugh!” You exclaimed, throwing yourself across his bed, letting your legs dangle over the side.

“Don't think that you trying to be adorable will get you answers.”

“You think I'm adorable?” You lifted your head up to look at him, smiling.

That took Loki by surprise, the look on his face makes it clear that he didn't mean to say that out loud, not all of it anyway and that makes a warmth creep up in your chest that you wanna take hold of and feel on later days.

“I was merely being sarcastic.” Loki finally says, getting up gracefully and standing just as such.

You found a hint of embarrassment in his eyes. You stare him down trying to find more of it but he's too good at hiding himself from you. You lay back down on his bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling his gaze on you and for once he doesn't have anything else to say.

“You can say that ya’know. I'm not going to go around the tower and tell people you said that.” You said gently after a while of silence, still looking at the ceiling.

“I know.”

“You don't have to hide from me. You don't- you can be yourself, whoever you wanna be but this.”

“Steve's on the 6th floor, kitchen.” He said stoically.

You peered up at him from the bed, wishing he had given you something else to hold on to. You're lips pressed into a small line and you nodded, pretending you didn't see the barely there flash of guilt that crossed his features.

“He's in the kitchen.” You said, trying to prompt something else out of him as you got up.

He nodded curtly, not looking in your direction. That made you want to shake him, that made you want to ask him how much his personal hell was really worth to him, if it meant more than his own happiness.

But you didn't do those things, instead you thanked him for the information he so willingly gave and made your way to the elevator, feeling his gaze burn a hole in your back.

Steve was in the kitchen as Loki had said. When he saw you his face lit up with that smile of his that made you want to melt into a puddle on the floor.

You walked right up next to him, watching him curiously. He smiled at you once again and let you invade his space like it was something he craved.

You watched as he chopped up different kinds of fruit and put them in the blender. You almost commented on how beautiful his hands were but stopped yourself in the nick of time.

You shook your head to dispel the thoughts and he looked at you questioningly.

“Was just thinking to myself.” You told him, watching the way he wiped his hands off onto a towel.

“Did you still want to spar?” He asked, not pushing you.

“Yes, definitely.”

“After i finish making this smoothie we can go.” He informed you, bumping into your shoulder slightly.

“Okay. You don't have any plans for the day do you because I'm a slow learner.” 

He smiled back at you, not looking away from the blender as he started it. He was way too cool for you and you knew it. 

Maybe you needed to ask Bucky for some advice, he'd definitely know more than anyone in existence. He was one of your pals, he had to give you something.

“You ready?” He asked you, handing you a smoothie. You hadn't realized he was finished.

You took the smoothie from his hand and turned to walk to the gym room, him following behind you easily.

When you two got there Nat was already there with Thor, she was sitting on the bench watching him destroy the punching bag.

“Hello y/n.” She said with a lilt in her voice, eyes scanning the two of you and your matching smoothies.

“Hey. You done for the day?”

“Yes, but looks like you aren't.” She said taking a sip of her water. Steve didn't notice the odd exchange, too busy talking to Thor.

“I just need help with a move.”

“A move I've already taught you.” She smirked.

Your face turned red for a moment before you reigned yourself back in, trying to achieve your usual casualness.

“Go.” You said warmly, smiling, pointing over at Thor. She looked in his direction and got up swiftly eyeing you briefly before interrupting Thor’s and Steve’s conversation, promising Thor poptarts if he went along with her.

Steve waved them off, then stuffed his hands in his pockets still watching them retreat. He turned back to you when they were out of sight, a happy sigh escaping his lips. He adored his friends terribly.

“What did you want to learn?” He asked, all seriousness now, like he was some professional instructor. Now that you thought about it, he basically was.

“You know that one twisty move Nat does?”

“She has a lot of twisty moves.” He chuckled.

“The one where she flys up and puts her legs around the perps arm and twists him to the ground.”

“Ah, i know that one.” He said. “I don't know if you'll be able to throw me to the ground just yet but we'll work on it until you can.” He said, like promising you this was important, like it would break your heart if you didn't accomplish this trick.

“So what you're gonna do first is run up to me, then get a good jump up, spin in the air and wrap your legs around my arm.”

“That's it?” You asked.

“For now yes, I'll catch you as soon as you complete those parts.” He said back, standing ready, arms a good distance from his body so you could easily make your target.

You backed up as far as the room would allow you to so you could get a head start, watching him in his complete focus. You ran forward as fast as you could, jumping up and easily completing the spin, feeling your legs connect with his arm.

Your body smacked into his chest and he pulled his arm up quickly to hold you.

“Wow, you're good at this.” He complimented.

“Didn't make the team for nothing.” You quipped back, untangling yourself from him. He let you down easily.

“Again?” He asked you as you backed up again.

“Yes. I want to get better if that's okay.”

“You're pretty good already.” He said, eyebrows raised.

“Practice never hurt anyone.” You shrugged.

He shrugged back and stood ready again.

You did just as you had before, spinning elegantly in the air, watching the look of curiosity cross Steve's expression.

He caught you just as he had before, staggering back a bit at the impact.

You moved your eyes up to his, letting them rest their for a while, watching the way his eyelashes swept across his cheeks so beautifully. You moved your eyes down to watch him lick his lips out of habit, realizing you were lost by the sight of him.

He blushed slightly like he so often did and sat you down on your feet, turning away from you for a moment. 

You did the same thing several times more before he spoke up, looking at his reflection in the mirror, back to you. 

“I'm pretty sure you already knew this one.” He said, turning around just to be standing right in front of you, so close you were touching.

“I know a lot of this stuff but that wasn't something i had mastered yet.” You said back, a smirk finding its way onto your lips.

“I’d say you've mastered plenty.” He said, eyes on you, reaching his hand up to your face, licking his lips once more.

You stared up at him, taking in the vibrant light of his eyes, the way his hand felt on your face; the feeling of your heart that was about burst through your chest.

You stepped up on your tippy toes, letting him lean down the rest of the way to touch your lips against his. You were so close to feeling him for the first time.

“What are you doing?” You heard Clint sputter.

Steve backed up from you in surprised embarrassment. You looked over at Clint who was standing there confused and shocked, like he had never seen someone almost kiss someone else before.

“So i guess we're done here for today, we can start up tomorrow.” Steve said quickly knowing that Clint needed time with you, he leaving the room hastily.

You turned to look at Clint with a i-can't-believe-you-just-Steve-blocked-me expression but the look he gave back made you frown. He actually looked hurt, maybe even beyond hurt. 

He looked away from you and you were glad he did because the weight of his stare would've crushed you.

“Clint, buddy, you alright?”

He rubbed his nose quickly, still refusing to look at you. You didn't know what to do.

“Yeah, buddy, i'm fine.” He said back. Emphasizing the word ‘buddy.’

You stared back confused.

When he had stepped forward and had seen Steve so close to you it broke him. He wanted to yell at you, he wanted to ask you if you knew how much he fucking cared about you, he wanted to ask you if you knew at all.

But all he could do was stand there shocked, feeling his heart break inside himself, knowing he was too late. He couldn't bring himself to tell you still. Everytime he opened his mouth to say it he chickened out, just like right now.

“You wanna go do something? I could really use a cuddle buddy.” You said hopeful, trying to pull him out of whatever mood he was in.

“Go ask Steve, looks like you were getting pretty close with him.” He said back, trying not to sound hurtful.

“Are you seriously going to do this to me Clint?” You asked, disbelief clear in your tone.

“Do what?” 

He looked like he was getting angry. Clint had never been angry with you before, not like this.

“You're acting like, Tony.”

“I'm just distracted; busy at the moment.”

“Doing what?”

“stuff.”

“Stuff?”

“Yes.” He sighed out audibly, anger draining from his face while a deep sadness took over. “Look, it seems like you like Steve a lot and if you do then you need to focus your time on him. If you're going to do that then that means no more of what we used to do.”

“Are you saying we can't be friends anymore?” You scoffed.

His lips formed a thin line as he wiped his hand down his face and turned to look out the window while speaking.

“We can still be friends, we just can't do the stuff we used to like cuddling.”

The way that he said it made it clear that you'd be the type of friends that only knew each other for minutes then went back to being strangers. The type of friends who said a passing hello or how's your day and nothing more. Your face crumpled into devastation.

It was worse because he was being soft and quiet with you. He was calm and sad and painful. He was telling you it was over. If you chose Steve he was done. It wasn't fair.

It felt like a part of you had been laid to waste in a matter of moments, like the tower you lived in had toppled on top of you and your crown had been turned to dust. You couldn't pinpoint how it had gotten like this.

“Clint, please.” You said, on the border of begging. 

“I've gotta go.” He said calmly, pulling his arm away from your grasp and leaving you alone.

This had come out of nowhere and had caught you off guard. Clint wasn't like this, he was your best friend.

You were sad and you knew it was stupid and needy but the only person you wanted right now was Steve. 

When you found him in his room, he opened the door for you easily, allowing you in.

You turned around invading his space as soon as he turned around after shutting the door. He bumped into you awkwardly as you wrapped your arms around him, Clint’s expression still making you feel emotional.

It was stupid and ridiculous and not too smart on your part but you decided to reach up those necessary inches to crash your lips to his. It surprised him, causing him to pull back slightly which made you pull yourself closer to him. 

He sat his hands on your shoulders, pushing you back gently. You felt the back of your legs connect with the bed so you sat down.

He was regarding you calmly, mouth shiny from what had just happened. It was now or never.

“Can I?” You asked, fingers already around the hem of his pants. 

His eyes were shut tight as if he wasn't sure he wanted to do this but he didn't have it in himself to say no because he knew that he had wanted this.

You pulled his pants down slowly, allowing him to take the time to breathe and allowing yourself some time to calm your nerves. This was actually happening.

As soon as you had gotten his pants down far enough you reached for his boxers, heart pounding.

“Tell me what you want me to do.” You purred, crawling up his body and kissing him harshly. He kissed back timidly at first, but soon was just as harsh as you were, knocking his teeth against yours.

Suddenly he rolled you two over on the bed, fingers flowing through your hair and he looked at you, actually fucking looked at you with those brilliant eyes of his with a look you had been waiting for maybe your entire life.

His eyes held sincerity and love and want and home. He ran his fingers across your lips, tracing them.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” He asked so nervously you couldn't help but let a small laugh slip through your lips.

“It'd be awkward if i said no now.” You joked.

“If you don't want to-” he started to ask concerned but you cut him off by smashing your lips against his once more and guided his hand to where you wanted it.

All of a sudden he pulled back, moving away from you, a look of guilt on his face. He held onto your hand tightly, you could feel the warmth radiating off of him.

“Do you not want this?” You asked him barely audible.

“I do. I really like you but I don't think now is the right time for this.” He said gently.

You sat up, allowing yourself some space between you and him but kept his hand in yours. You were selfish enough to want at least some contact with him.

“Because you're old fashioned.” You guessed.

He smiled calmly at you, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes that you craved.

“Yes, but also because i want you to be able to figure out what you want.”

“I know what i want.” You said trying to be convincing.

“Another reason this is bad timing is because of Clint.”

“What about him?” You were confused.

“You didn't see it?” He asked mistified.

That got your attention. Was everyone else in this tower all knowing but you. What did he know about clint that you didn't, what did he see that you couldn't? You had always been able to read Clint because he was your best friend since the beginning, it wasn't hard to learn each other at all.

“He got upset with what happened back there. He cares about you.”

“Of course he cares, i care about him too. That's kinda what best friends do.”

The laugh he let out warmed your heart. It was light and airy and smooth. It suited your ears perfectly and you wanted nothing more than to hear it again.

“Maybe you should go talk to him. I think he has something to tell you.” Steve said, letting go of your hand and pulling his pants back up.

Maybe you did need to talk to Clint, to help him sort out whatever was going on, to sort out whatever he wasn't telling you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so right now it seems that the reader is leaning more towards Steve than anyone else and that may be because the reader knows he likes her and its the easiest choice, and i think maybe the reader isnt really that invested in Steve, just in the thought of him.
> 
> So given that the options are still open, this is still a surprise relationship thing, the end will reveal who she chooses, it still could very well be Steve.


	5. Chapter 5

Remember when we almost dated?”

 

“You mean in your dreams right?” You said back to Sam, laughing.

 

“If that's what you wanna call it, sure.”

 

“Yeah, i remember. Why bring it up?”

 

“Because there's a lesson in it.”

 

“Oh, there is now? This is gonna be interesting.” You said, sprawling out next to him on the couch.

 

“So Clint ran off because you don't like him the same way as he likes you.”

 

“Yes, where are you going with this?”

 

“Didn't you do the same thing when i did that to you?”

 

“You didn't exactly do that to me, Sam.” You said sounding a tiny bit Bitter about the whole ordeal. 

 

“Anyway, you know the only reason why i rejected you.”

 

“Because of Tony.”

 

“Yeah and do you know how much i regret that now? Thought i was doing the right thing for everyone.”

 

“Maybe i regret it too, so what? We turned out fine.”

 

“What i'm getting at is, you might regret telling Clint no. You might wish you hadn't done that one day. He could be good for you.”

 

“Anyone could be good for me, I'm a mess.”

 

“That doesn't mean you deserve a mess. Tony was and is a mess.” Sam said, his hand rubbing gentle circles on your back.

 

You leaned back squishing his hand between you and the couch. He wasn't saying exactly what he wanted to say, he wasn't wording things the way he knew you could handle them. It had been this way for a while, the two of you practically tiptoeing around each other's words like it was the best either of you could do.

 

“What happened to us, Sam? We used to be better at talking to each other.”

 

“You know what happened, y/n.” He said, pulling his hand back.

 

Tony was what happened. You didn't want to blame him but a lot of things were his fault. He was the reason everyone backed off, he was the reason people turned you down and settled for friendship as you did to them. You didn't even think about it at the time, you just let him coast you in the direction he wanted you. And you couldn't damn him for that because you had let him and it's not like it was some master plan of his. You had wanted it just as much as he did at the time. 

 

Maybe the reason why you wanted Tony so bad then, years ago was because of how hard Sam’s rejection hit, all their rejections hit, and it had fueled your want for someone to love you. And maybe you thought that if it was Tony out of all of them then you had won because he put himself so high up above others that you soon believed he was too.

 

“I've missed you, a lot.”

 

“I know. You miss any one of us a lot when we're gone for a good length of time.”

 

“Don't try to generalize yourself.”

 

“Oh, so now i'm above everyone, you missed me the absolute most?”

 

“I do miss you the most. You're the funnest.”

 

“You mean handsomest.”

 

“Is that a word?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Let's go ask Bucky.”

 

“No! We do not need to ask him.” Sam said, pushing you back down onto the couch.

 

“When are you going to get over your petty grudge?” You complained, laying across Sam’s lap.

 

“When he buys me a new car and un-shoots bullets at me.”

 

“Nobody can un-shoot bullets at you, Sam. Don't be so difficult.”

 

“So don't be you then?”

 

“Nice one, i hate you.” You said lifting yourself up from him and sitting on your own side of the couch.

 

“I thought i was your favorite!” Sam said, nudging your arm.”

 

“I take it back.”

 

“Aw, come on!” Sam said pulling you to him, you fell back into his chest easily.

 

“Don't think you're gonna smile at me and make me forget why i was upset.” You said, defeat written all over you.

 

“Is that why you get that silly look on your face when i look at you?” He said proceeding to mimic the face he accused you of making, crossing his eyes.

 

“Stop it, Sam.” You yelled playfully, hugging yourself to him.

 

“Fine, fine. You win this-” you didn't let him finish. Instead you cut him off with a kiss that surprised not just you but him as well. 

 

He moved with you, still a little surprised but not rejecting you like he had all those years ago. You kissed him to see what it would feel like, if it would make you feel anything; if it would make him feel anything. You kissed him for a lot of reasons. 

 

“What was that for?” He asked when you pulled back.

 

“Just didn't want either of us to regret what happened anymore.” You said touching his hand feather light, he just smiled back at you.

 

“Shit, what time is it?” You asked, getting off the couch hurriedly. He looked confused but answered you anyway.

 

“It's 4:30 p.m.” Sam said, looking from his watch to you.

 

“I have a thing i have to get to. I'll see you later okay?”

 

“Okay? You're gonna leave me just like that?” He said laughing.

 

“I'm sorry, i really am but this- this thing is important.”

 

“Okay.” He said easily, leaning back into the couch while you left.

 

You had forgotten about your meeting with the director and now you were running out of time to get there. This wasn't going to be good.

 

******  
“Sorry I'm late director-”

 

“Sit.” Fury motioned to the chair in front of his desk, ignoring your apology.

 

“If i may, what is this about sir?”

 

“The last mission. The board wants you to undergo a psych evaluation.”

 

“And is that what you want director?”

 

You knew exactly what he was talking about. During the last mission you had made some not so good decisions. It was months ago so for the board to just now want you to take an evaluation meant someone from the team had come in and reported to them.

 

You weren't willing to talk about the decisions you had made but did insist that if you hadn't made those choices then a great deal of people would have died.

 

“Enough of the board agreed it was in the best interest of the team.”

 

“And who notified the board their opinion that forced their hand?”

 

“You know i can't give out that information.” 

 

“So they think i should be removed from the team.”

 

“The decision will be based on the results of the evaluation.”

 

“And if i refuse the evaluation?”

 

“They put you on temporary leave until you cooperate.”

 

“I see.”

 

“Let me advise you though agent L/N, if you refuse this test it will look bad.”

 

“Nothing's ever looked good to them before, director, so with all due respect to you, i am going to have to refuse the evaluation.”

 

He looked at you with no hint of what he was thinking and nodded curtly, motioning you to be on your way.

 

“I'll notify the board of your decision. Stark might not be able to get you out of this one, agent.”

 

You nodded silently, no need to tell him that ‘Stark’ wouldn't be getting you out of anything anymore anytime soon. You wouldn't ask him to and you wouldn't expect him to. You weren't anybody's problem but your own. 

 

******

 

“Screw the board of directors!” Sam shouted, propping himself up on his elbow on your floor while you laid on your stomach on the bed, looking down at him.

 

“Yeah, that's what i wanted to say.”

 

“That's probably what Fury wanted to say too. He knows you're one of the best.”

 

“I think you're drunk.”

 

“Nonsense.” Sam mumbled, a bottle in his hand.

 

“Nonsense my ass.” You said back, standing up and pulling the bottle from his hand easily. “You were drinking before i got back, with Bucky no less.”

 

“So, we can drink together. We were talking.”

 

“About what?” You asked only half interested. You asked more so to keep the conversation going.

 

“You. I didn't tell him you kissed me though, didn't think i should. That was more of a me and you thing.” He said, his words almost running together.

 

“I'm glad you think that.” You said, laughing slightly, sitting down next to him.

 

“I was gonna ask him, i was. I was gonna ask what it would make him think if you had kissed him like that, like you loved him.”

 

You sat silently, listening to his drunken rambling. You weren't sure how to react.

 

“What would that make him think ya’know? Would he think you really loved him, that you wanted him? Would he play it cool and pretend it didn't mean anything like you did?”

 

“Sam, is that what you're really thinking?” You asked, brushing your hand on his knee lightly.

 

“Would it matter if i was, I'm just, I'm just me and Steve is great, Tony is great, Clint is great-”

 

“You're great, Sam.”

 

“Whatever you say.”

 

“Well what i say is it's time for you to lie down and i mean really lie down, in your bed.”

 

“Nah, I'm fine.”

 

“The fact that you can't get up proves that you're not fine. I'll get someone to help, I'll be back in a minute, okay?”

 

“Mhm.” He said, closing his eyes.

 

You stumbled upon Thor in the kitchen first and he was more than happy to help you and Sam out. He wouldn't stop talking the whole way to Sam’s room.

 

“Clint isn't back yet?” Thor asked.

 

“Uh, nope, not yet.”

 

“He will return.” Thor said positively as he shut Sam’s door.

 

“Yeah, of course he will, it'll just take time i guess.”

 

“I assume so.”

 

“I thought you were going to asgard for a while?”

 

“I was but Loki intends to stay here and i cannot leave him unsupervised.”

 

“Maybe i can talk to him for you, i hate to cut this short but i'm going to go get some rest.”

 

“That would be nice of you but i don't think he will listen to reason. And of course, by all means, go get some rest.”


	6. Chapter 6

It took you about five minutes to find Clint. He was on the roof of the tower, of course he was there. It used to be just your place whenever you'd start feeling blue. That was what you told him a long time ago when he had asked you. All you had said was blue and to your surprise he automatically knew what that meant. 

He knew your lingo before anyone else did. He paid attention better than anyone else and if you had asked him why, it was because he loved you from the start but what he told everyone, even you, was that it was his job to pay attention to things.

He was sitting close to the edge of the building, his hair moving with the wind, his expression just as beat up as before when you had left him in the gym. 

He had that grey t-shirt on that you loved, the one that was soft and comfortable and made it that much easier for you to put your arms around him.

You tried to keep your footsteps silent as you walked towards him, hearing him sigh solemnly. Whatever was going on with him was really tearing him up.

He was your friend and friends are their for each other no matter what. Clint had taught that to you a long time ago. He always made sure you knew how important friendship was, how crucial loyalty and truth needed to mix as one. He was the first real friend you had ever had.

You and him had a good thing but the short conversation in the gym was saying otherwise but of course you didn't have a right to be mad at him. How could you get mad at him for how he felt? 

You were standing a few feet away from him, wanting to give him space just in case that's what he wanted. You wanted to be good for him so he'd tell you whatever was bothering him so you made sure to stay a few steps back like you already were.

“Clint?” You asked softly, not reaching forward like you wanted to, giving him the space you thought he needed.

His back was facing you and you saw the easy rise and fall of his breathing before he tensed up at your voice. He seemed to wipe his eyes before looking back at you.

His eyes were red from crying and you resisted the urge to run up and hug him because it seemed to be the last thing he wanted from you.

“You okay?” You asked just as softly as you had spoken before.

“Blue.” He said quietly, his eyes shimmering with new found tears.

Blue. Blue was bad, it was i-feel-like-the-world-has-ended blue. You felt guilty because if you were being a good friend like you were supposed to then you would've noticed something, anything, that signified that blue.

“Wanna talk about it?”

He looked at you like he was struggling then he laughed humorlessly, walking past you, hand on his chin.

“Do i wanna talk about it?” He laughed slightly. “Remember when i first found you up here and i had said the same things to you?”

“Of course i do.”

“Yeah, well, i knew. When i looked at you and saw how beautiful you looked while also looking so tragic that i was done.”

“Clint, what are you- you're not making any sense.”

“I was done, y/n. I knew that you had ruined everyone else for me in that exact moment and I couldn't figure out how you had done it. Seeing you and Steve like that- you must like him a hell of a lot.”

“What are you- Steve is great i just-”

“I saw you with him and it, it ruined everything.”

“Clint, please, I don't- what are you-”

You got cut off by Clint’s lips crashing against yours, his hands finding their way to either side of your face. You were stunned into silence and immobility.

You finally regained yourself and found the energy to push him back slightly, a look of defeat crossing his face.

“What the hell was that?” You asked, bewildered.

“I-” he seemed to be having trouble finding the words for you, the words that he thought you needed to hear or the words he wanted you to hear, or maybe he was struggling for the words he thought you wanted to hear. “I love you, y/n.”

You blinked a few times in surprise, standing as still as a statue, feeling his hand sliding into yours in a comforting gesture.

All you could do was stare back like he was some foreign being that you couldn't understand. He made an exasperated expression and put his hands on your shoulders, trying to really look at you.

“Do you love me?”

“What kind of a question is that?! Of course i do!”

“I'm standing here, telling you I'm in love with you and you're not reacting.”

“It's a shock. What am i- how should i- Clint, listen-”

“What?”

“I don't know about-”

“I knew it. I knew it.” He said, backing away from you and turning quickly.

“Hey! I-”

“I made a fool of myself.” He said dully, waving you off and leaving the roof. “I shouldn't have said anything, shoulda kept my stupid mouth shut . . .” You heard him trailing off as he left.

“Shit.” You said out loud, wanting to smack yourself in the forehead repeatedly. You sucked at shit like this. You never wanted to hurt Clint and in all honesty you had never once thought about you and Clint together.

He had always just been there, someone you were comfortable with, someone you could go to and you had never had to label your relationship. You were best friends, that was true but could you two be lovers? It was hard to think about, especially since you had Steve who had liked you for a while and you him. Then there was Tony, the guy who had single handedly depressed you.

There was your sweet, sweet, Bucky bear, who the lines had blurred with more than a couple times. He was smiles and laughter, light hearted teasing and sunshine. He was also stormy weather and broken bones. You had accepted that a long time ago. You had wanted whatever he would give you, whatever he could give you, and you appreciated it. You didn't take him for granted and you didn't ask for more than he was willing. You wanted him to love you like you loved him and he did and you were content.

“Thinking of past flings?” Loki mused.

“ I don't know, are you?” You quipped back.

“No need to be rude. I was just asking. Not that i needed to in the first place.”

“Where did Clint go?”

“Oh, he left.”

“Left where?”

“Oh, I don't know. He's went to many places before.”

“I mean right now.” You said slightly annoyed.

“Perhaps I'm stalling for him?” He mused, ignoring what you had said:

“Why would you be doing that?” You asked, playing along with his game.

“It's a toss up really.”

“Is it? Because the way i made him feel isn't and i need to go fix things.”

“You can't fix things that you know can't be, dear.”

“And you would know all about things that can't be fixed?” You asked, leaning back against the buildings edge.

He stood still, arms crossed lazily, his face giving nothing away.

“Well, i would say i am quite knowledgeable in that area, considering all things.”

“Loki, please. You know how much Clint and i mean to each other. I need to find him.”

“Do i now? You assume i know so much when in fact i regret to inform you that i know very little. I only know you. From what i know, you'd throw Clint away in a second if it meant you could be with Steve. Yet you're still groveling for Tony in your head.” He said seriously.

You were aware that you had struck a chord somewhere deep inside of him. Here was another person you were going to upset today. It wasn't his fault he was like this but it wasn't your fault either.

“How could you possibly know me.”

“You refuse to even think about how i could?”

“I didn't refuse, i just asked.”

“Without taking time to think of it for yourself.”

“Please, don't try and do that to me.” You scoffed.

“See here it is. You think everyone loves you. You think everyone will die for you, fight for you, back down for you? You think you are something special to these people?” He said venomously.

You looked at him astonished, trying to find something in his facial expression, his body language; his eyes, anything to contradict what he had just said. You found nothing.

“I think that I'm their friend, their teammate, and that's enough.”

He laughed loudly, throwing his head back as he did, hand coming up to splay across his chest as his body shook with laughter.

“You are nothing but a toy to them. Someone who isn't quite like them that gives them all a sort of reality. You think they keep you around because they actually like you? You silly little girl.”

“Why are you doing this?” You asked quietly, as small as you possibly could because you didn't trust your voice.

“Why do i do anything, dear?”

You didn't need to answer for him to know you knew. He did things to hurt people, to destroy them. That's what he claimed he liked to do anyway. He reminded you constantly of that but had never been like that towards you, not really anyway.

You held your head high, walking past him, not allowing him the glory of watching you fall. He could probably sense it without seeing it but you wanted to show him you were strong.

But now you felt alone.

You had thought about what Loki had said a lot. You were sitting in bed with your favorite ice cream and your favorite sappy movie playing. You were trying your best not to be a mess.

He couldn't have meant that. He went from calling you adorable to basically calling you a waste. You dropped the spoon into the ice cream bucket, finally coming to a concept.

Maybe he had said those things to push you away, because you were getting too close to him, because you were growing on him and he was afraid of what it might do. Because he saw what it was did to Thor. It changed his reactions, his thoughts; it made him more aware of what he was doing and what he could potentially be sacrificing. If you didn't feel anything for anyone what could you possibly lose in yourself? Nothing that mattered.

You couldn't let him do that to himself. It wasn't fair to him that he could do that to himself and just shut all of you out, even his own brother.

You were still worried about Clint too, hours had passed without him and it was 10 p.m. already.

You wanted to tell Clint that you wanted him too, just as much as he wanted you but you didn't know if you could do that because you still weren't sure how you felt about him, about any of them really. Even Tony, who hadn't shown his face in a while.

If he was hiding away you didn't blame him. You were a constant reminder of what was and he was too. Maybe he didn't want you back anymore if the slew of women leaving the tower were anything to judge by. 

And it probably wasn't fair of you to say a slew of women when it was only a few in reality. Still, they were there and that proved you were easily replaced. You didn't need some half assed explanation from him but you found that you wanted one.

Shit.


	7. Chapter 7

This was it. You were going to get over Tony and live your life. Wouldn't he just love to know that you were still thinking about him and writing about him in your journal like he was vital to your existence or something. Well not anymore. 

It was time to cross him out for good. You still didn't know how you were going to achieve that but the first step was to confront him about the women like some crazy ex who can't let go. You were dressed fairly nice considering you were being called in for a meeting with the board of directors and Fury himself. You didn't know what it was about but you always dressed nice for meeting like this, even if it was just jeans with a nice blouse and complimenting heels. And you may have slightly put on more makeup than necessary but you liked it.

It had nothing to do with the fact that you were going to confront Tony on your way out. It had nothing to do with that at all. You kept reminding yourself that as you stepped into the elevator and watched the numbers tick down.

When the doors slowly opened to the main room where you were sure you would find Tony you found way more than him. It was a crowd of people, your friends, and when they saw you their faces lit up in excitement and a chorus of ‘surprise’ was shouted amongst them and confetti was popped out of silly little mini cannons.

“Happy birthday!” Tony said to you warmly, eyes searching yours as he handed you a glass of champagne.

“Wow.” You said, shaking your head, watching the people go back to mingling with each other as the music started up.

“Like it? I had a few birthday planners come by to help set up, well, all of this. You don't have a meeting with the directors by the way.”

You looked around for the first time and noticed the sheer bulk of newly acquired things like designer tables and chairs and lounge couches, three tables full of food, a beautiful chandelier that was probably made from real diamonds. Everything was white on white, the room had been transformed into a big ballroom clad with a fancy white carpet instead of red and the bar where the table top used to be marble but now it looked gold and to top it off there were balloons. You were speechless. He tried really hard with this one.

“I don't remember their names but i think it was Marie who helped the most, especially with the decorations.” He continued. So those were the women. You felt kinda guilty now. “I put this whole thing together, with a little help from Clint too, for your birthday.”

“My birthday is actually two more days away.” You smiled at him and laughed lightly, handing back the glass of champagne to him.

He looked back at you confused, trying to count the days in his head. How had he forgotten that? Why didn't Clint tell him! He realized he nor Clint had ever mentioned the day this was all supposed to happen so Clint had no way of knowing that Tony had messed up yet again.

“I'm sorry, i really am. God, two days? Hey, look, i got a chocolate fountain. I know you like those, and i got all of your favorite food here, at least i remembered that, right? Oh! I got you a car, it's a nice little thing for you, i spared no expense-” he spoke quickly, putting his arm around your waste.

“Tony, Tony! Listen, i appreciate the thought, i really do- but that's all this is to you. It's a thought. It was cute that you forgot my birthday- actually no it wasn't, but still, you can't expect to win me back by some party you say you're throwing for me when you're throwing it for yourself to score points with me. How many birthday parties did you throw me when we were together, huh?” You said, removing his arm and stepping to the side.

He reverted his eyes away from you for a split second and ran his tongue absently over his bottom lip, pinching the bridge of his nose. He let out a breath of air and it looked like it made him feel worse, like this wasn't something he was prepared for. You felt for him, you really did.

“Are you ever going to forgive me, y/n?”

“I forgave you, remember? Forgiveness doesn't mean I'm going to just sit in your lap again and act like nothing ever happened! It's two different things and if you can't tell between the two then you have a problem.”

“I just want you back.”

“It doesn't matter what you want, Tony. That doesn't mean we can't stay friends.”

“Friends.” He scoffed. “When have i ever kept friends for very long.”

“I do appreciate the effort you went through for all of this, really, i do, part of your heart was in the right place.”

“You admitting i have a heart?” He asked amused.

“Ugh, pretend i never said that! Also take the car back to the dealership or sell it or give it to charity. I can't accept a car from you.”

“Of course you could accept it.”

“But I'm not going to. I have a great plan, my one birthday wish.”

“Whatever you want and it's yours.” He promised fervently. You didn't know when he was going to stop trying to make things up to you.

“I want you to take the car back, or sell it. Whatever money you get back on it, I'm sure it's going to be a large amount- i want you to go around the city and give it all to those in need. Make them gift baskets full of necessities, take them out to eat, whatever they need.”

“Seriously? Want me to create world peace while I'm at it?”

“Tony.” You said warningly. You knew that he didn't have an aversion to helping people, he was just trying to give you a hard time.

“Fine, fine. I'll do it.”

“Thanks.” You said warmly. He smiled back at you just as warmly. 

“I'm going to go mingle.” Tony said, a bit of sadness flooding into his tone. 

You said your goodbye and moved into the crowd, feeling a loss inside yourself. This goodbye didn't feel right. It was probably because this was Tony and he meant so much to you still. You had never wanted to hurt him like he had you but like you had said before, you could forgive him for it because it was just who he was and who he was, was someone you could no longer keep up with. He was always too much for you and you should've listened to yourself before.

You saw Nat and Bruce dancing, well Nat was dancing and Bruce was trying his best. It was adorable. You looked around some more and couldn't see Clint anywhere and that worried you. Suddenly someone grabbed your wrist and spun you towards them, you looked up in time and saw that it was just Sam.

“Care to dance?” He asked. You nodded in response. Allowing him to help you move to the beat of the music. “So how are you doing?”

“Oh, ya’know, same old same old. You?”

“Hmmm, about the same. Have a mission coming up soon. . . . Steve's watching you. Oooh, got something going on with him?” He started to tease you, smiling. You blushed bright red.

“Stop, it's nothing.”

“Yeah, sure.” He smirked but let it go. “Didn't know your birthday was today.” He said chuckling.

“Better early than late for Tony.” You said back.

“We were gonna tell him but then we just decided to let him screw up again.”

“I figured as much.” You said as he spun you. Halfway through the spin you were held by someone else. It was none other than Bucky.

“C’mon Barnes!” Sam said loudly, exasperated. Bucky shrugged, a smirk on his lips as he took you away from Sam.

You felt so bubbly and free around Bucky. He always made you feel that way and you didn't know if it was his smile or his eyes that completed the walking on clouds feeling. He was always enough for you and you hated to think that he felt like he was never enough for himself.

You leaned into him, resting your head against his chest as he held you, feeling him kiss your forehead. You wanted to make some witty comment and call him Bucky bear but you had to hold back, this moment was too perfect.

“I love you.” You had said after a while, knowing it was true.

He looked at you so brilliantly, like you and him were the only two there, like everything had fallen into place. “I love you, too.” He said it as clearly and as sure as you've ever heard anyone say it and it made you grin at him widely as you stared into his eyes. I love you. I love you. I love you.

“I might love you more.” You said, moving side to side with him as the music played.

“Hmm, and why might you say that.” You felt him smile against your hair.

“Oh, i don't know. Maybe i just have a feeling.”

“I think you're wrong.”

“Well i think you're wrong.”

“C’mon now, don't be like Sam.”

“Then you don't be like . . . You?” It sounded like a question when you had said it and it made him laugh.

“I’d say we're equals, wouldn't you?” He said, eyes on you.

“I could say we are.” You mused. “But if we're equals that would mean i can't make any executive decisions for you and you know how much i like doing that.”

“I do. But you will never succeed with cutting my hair.” He laughed.

“That one was just a joke, you know i like your hair.” You said, pulling your fingers through it briefly.

You saw a figure past him and squinted a bit. It was Loki sitting at the bar by himself, looking alone. Your smile faded.

“What's wrong?” Bucky asked, releasing you but keeping his fingers around your wrists.

“Loki seems a bit off . . . Would you mind if i went over to talk to him?”

“Nah, just don't forget to make your way to Steve before the night's over. Don't want him to think you're avoiding him now do ya?”

“Steve? Now here i thought we had a moment.” You joked. He shook his head, smiling, and looked down.

“Just don't forget to talk to him okay?”

“Are you his agent or something?”

“Not technically but I've always been rooting for him.”

“He's a lucky guy to have a friend like you.”

“You're lucky to have a friend like me.” He joked.

“Yeah, yeah.” You said back as you walked away, towards Loki.


	8. Chapter 8

"Hey, stranger.” You said, slipping onto the stool next to Loki. He didn't look at you. He sat there as if no one was there.

“Leave.” He said coldly.

“It's okay, Loki.” You said, laying your hand over his. He froze, going rigid but still not looking at you. “You don't have to keep this act up.”

He laughed at you. He was making this difficult. You looked up and around out of habit and noticed Steve hovering close by, a clear look of concern on his face that you tried to ignore. He didn't need to hover like that. Loki wasn't dangerous.

“Don't push me away, please. Do whatever else you want but don't push me away. I care too much about you to watch you self destruct.” You said, Trying to get him to feel your emotions.

“I will do whatever i want. You cannot tell me what not to be.” He said back, pulling his hand back from yours. “Why would you care anyway! I am nothing to you. You know nothing of me!” He slammed his fists down on the table, anger seeping its way out of him but you weren't scared.

“I know enough of you to know this is not who you truly are. You are a friend, a brother, a survivor, Loki. You matter.”

“Don't pretend that i haven't been exiled to this tower! They know what i can do! Do you honestly think they're keeping me here because they want to befriend me?! I am nothing but a means to an end for them.”

“Nobody is making you stay here. We trust you, we just need you to trust us.”

He regarded you coldly, plainly, hiding nothing. He wanted you to see his rage. He wanted you to see who he could be, who he thought he really was. Maybe he was trying to scare you, if he was it wasn't working. You just wanted him to be him.

“And here you go putting your faith into these cowards, grouping yourself with them as if it makes you righteous, as if it makes any of them righteous!” 

He was looking at you now with such anger and pain. He was full of rage, it was festering inside of himself. It was tearing him apart. You didn't want it to be this way. You noticed Steve had gotten a little closer because of Loki’s outburst but you didn't want to gather attention. This was between you and loki.

“I trust you, Loki. I trust you to hurt everyone you come across but only because you've spent so much time hurting yourself. I trust you to feel sorry for yourself and see things unfairly but i also trust that in time you'll rise above all of this and you'll accept our relationship for what it is and what it can grow to be. I trust you to make the right choices, and even if you don't in the beginning, i trust that you will eventually. I trust who you are.”

“Then you must also trust that i could destroy the world if i desired to.”

“Do you? Do you want to destroy the world?”

He smiled at you briefly, shaking his head slightly. “No. I'm quite at peace with the living at the moment.”

What he didn't say was that he couldn't destroy the home of someone he loved. He couldn't take something away from the one he loved when they thought it beautiful. He couldn't sacrifice the one he loved like that. He couldn't sacrifice you.

“Then what's the problem?”

“That's not a wise question to ask. There's many things wrong.”

“Tell me what the problem is tonight.”

“The problem is i shouldn't be here.” He said shortly. “And neither should you.”

“Me?”

“I'm sure it hasn't escaped your attention that Clint is not present. That's who you were looking for before, were you not? I could tell you where i think he's at.” He said, looking at the drink before him, flicking his eyes up to yours briefly, silently asking to be forgiven.

“Thanks but, i think he needs some time to sort things out in his head. He'll come back, and when he does I'll talk to him. I won't push him. I took a while to think about it and i think that's what he needs.”

“Hmm, i can't tell you whether you are right or wrong, my dear.” He turned to face you, giving you a brief smile that you accepted gratefully. At least someone was happy with you now. “Would you be offended if i excused myself from your early birthday party?”

“Of course not. I'm surprised you showed up at all.”

“I wouldn't have missed it for anything, darling.”

At that was his way of saying you were important. It was him silently asking for forgiveness again, this time for the things he had said on the roof and it was okay because even though it had hurt your feelings, it had made you stronger and he hadn't meant it.

“Just don't miss the real one, okay?”

“I won't. . . I suppose I'll take my leave now. Have fun? Is that what i should say to you?”

“Yeah, that works.” You said, laughing, watching him leave.

You sat by yourself for a while after that with people passing by and mingling with you, saying hi and talking about the obviousness of how early this party was. They still said happy birthday to you and regarded you as such.

It's not that you were trying to exclude yourself from Tony’s party for you or anything. It was just what you were comfortable with at times, being alone wasn't so bad, even Bruce said so. Bruce new better than anyone that sometimes being alone was all you needed.

Tony was getting drunk off his ass yet again, which was no surprise. He truly thought this was going to work for him, he thought this was going to get you back but you had nothing left for him. 

It looked like he was pissed off, maybe because it didn't work, or maybe because you hadn't went back to talk to him yet. Things were usually a mystery with him just because he never made his mind up on anything but when he had finally, finally, made his mind up about you it was too late because you were already in the process of moving on and he didn't see that. When you're so worried with yourself and your image, how could you possibly notice something so insignificant to you, especially when you had it all and got it all.

He was still a person to you though, he wasn't just his things or his money or his words. He was someone you still loved and cared for. You hoped that soon that would be enough for him.

“You okay?” You heard Steve ask. He had taken Loki’s seat beside you, turned towards you.

“Yeah, peachy.”

“I'm sorry things didn't work out between you and Tony.”

“Don't be, it was a long time coming.”

“Maybe, i didn't want to get into your business.”

“Yeah, well, with Tony, it's everyone's business. He's not quiet about much.”

“He was quiet about you.”

“Except when he wasn't.”

You two were quiet for a long while, sitting comfortably in the silence you both maintained. He sat right next to you, his upper arm touching your shoulder. He was unintentionally invading your space but you liked the contact. It made you feel alive. You felt too often that you were dreaming. It was hard to believe you had a life with the avengers.

Out of nowhere you started crying, everything was falling on you in one moment becoming too much. Steve put his hand on your shoulder, rubbing gently.

“What can i do?” He asked softly, knowing you were hurting right now.

You shook your head at first but then turned towards him, burying your face in his shirt.

“Hold me?”

He wrapped his arms around you tightly, shielding you from the world, neither of you aware of Tony's solemn stare from across the room.

You cried even harder when you realized you wanted Clint to be the one holding you, he was your comfort, your best friend, and you didn't want to give that up. His presence is what you craved, it's what you were missing and he wasn't here for you to tell him that.

He left. He left because you had been stupid enough to wear a confused expression and rigid body language when he had kissed you. He wasn't stupid, he could read the signs clearly that you didn't feel the same but in your defense you were too caught up and confused. He didn't give you time to process.

Tony was still watching from across the room, his drink long forgotten. He was swaying on his feet but it didn't bother him. Steve did. Steve’s arms around you bothered him and the way that Steve petted your hair bothered him, the way that Steve kissed your forehead bothered him, the way Steve buried his face in your hair bothered him; the disgusting look of love in Steve's eyes bothered him but you didn't notice. You never really would.

“I'm going to go up to my room for a bit. I'm sure the party will go one without me.” You said, voice breaking in spots, backing away from Steve reluctantly.

“You know they wouldn't blame you if you checked out for the night.” He said helpfully.

“I know, but Tony went through all this trouble. I owe him enough to stay until it's over.”

“If that's what you want, but you do need your sleep, make sure to get out of here so you can get some rest. You must be exhausted.”

“Yeah, sure i will.” You said, giving him a hug and walking off to the elevator.

This was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking about doing alternate endings, just of the few others the reader could end up with that isnt the first chosen one. 
> 
> Let me know what you all think of that idea, If nobody likes it, i probably won't do it.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

“Steve?” The winter soldier breathed out softly, so quietly he didn't know if he had actually whispered it at all, breaking some tranquil thought his mind had been thinking for quite some time. He was the winter soldier, he could feel it but he wanted to be Bucky.

Steve was standing there in all the glory Bucky remembered him in, with the slim shoulders, the stubborn stance, and troubled blue eyes. But the thing was he wasn't Bucky but he knelt before Steve without realizing it, finding it hard to stand.

“You're not getting better, Buck.” Steve said, taking a few small steps forward, his tone full of pity. Bucky lowered his head, ashamed.

“I'm- I'm trying, Steve . . . I miss you.”

“It doesn't matter how hard you try.” Steve said, looking down and away from Bucky, like he actually cared, like he was actually there. “I never really left, Buck. You could've talked to me any time.” 

Bucky felt Steve wrap his slim fingers around his shoulder and he started crying, he started sobbing because this was Steve from before. This was the Steve who needed him and relied on him and loved him with everything his little heart could muster. This was the Steve he let down.

“You were doing so great for a while weren't you? Really fooled yourself didn't you?” Steve continued. “Ya’know, when you went away i didn't know what i was going to do. I missed you before you left.”

“I thought i was doing the right thing, but i'm not him, I'm not your Bucky.”

“You're the winter soldier, the ghost story. . . . . Are you going to kill me, Buck?”

Bucky’s eyes widened at the thought and he tried to shove Steve back from himself, so he couldn't poison him anymore but once he blinked he found himself standing up, his hand around Steve's small throat; Steve's fingers hanging tiredly from his hand, trying to loosen the hold. His face though, held no fear or hate, just a deep sadness, like he had lost his pal, his friend, his Bucky.

All Bucky could do was stand there, with his hand squeezing around the throat of someone he loved and he couldn't stop it, he couldn't take it back, he couldn't get who Hydra made him out of his blood, all he could do was stare back into those deep blue eyes and plead for a forgiveness he knew he didn't deserve.

“It's okay, Buck. Do it.”

“No.”

“You have to. You know you won't be able to stop.” Steve's hand traveled up Bucky's arm that was around his throat, he was so small, Bucky had to protect him. “Take yourself away from me again. Be him.”

“I won't do this. Not to you.” Bucky said, letting go of his hold on Steve's throat and dropping to his knees in front of him once more in defeat. Steve ran his fingers through Bucky's hair and smiled forlornly.

“All i ever wanted was you back. The you before the war. I know you wanted that too and not just in yourself but me. . . . But we don't always get what we want and you're him. Every time i look at you i see him and it's wrong and it scares me because you will leave me again.”

“No I won't leave you, ever.”

“Yes. You will.” Steve said with no weight, then he smiled at Bucky just as forlornly as before and turned to walk away into the bright white light, leaving trails of black and greys that followed Bucky as he tried to run for Steve.

“STEVE!” Bucky shouted desperately over and over again, fighting the dull darkness creeping up on him.

**** **** ****

It was colder on the upper floors, you shivered a bit, making your way to your room down the hall. Screw this birthday party, Steve was right, you needed some rest; you also needed to find Clint after that.

You were halfway to your room when you heard the yelling. You stood still, frozen in place before you finally recognized the voice as Bucky's. That put you into a panicked hurry, flying down the hall at the speed of light and slamming open Bucky's door. 

He was tossing and turning on his bed when you saw him, a pained expression on his face.

“Bucky wake up!” You yelled, trying to shake him awake. He was sweating and thrashing and mumbling word after word and screaming out Steve's name.

You got on top of him and held his face between your palms, smoothing back his hair before you did so, nobody had told you what to do when this happened to him. You knew about his nightmares though, Steve was usually always beside Bucky. You had always opted to stay out of the way because you didn't want to make things worse and you also didn't want Bucky to feel embarrassed. Nobody had trained you on this so you were winging it.

“Bucky, please, shhh it's okay.” You said over and over again, until he knocked you onto the floor. You Got up quickly, grabbing onto his metal arm and shaking him as hard as you could.

He shot up like a rocket, a deep breath emitting out of him as his eyes looked around frantically like a lost child, finally his eyes landed on you, who he had accidentally thrown to the ground yet again. You looked at him worriedly, fear seeping into your bones. You didn't know if it was fear for you or for him but you felt it nonetheless.

He was still gasping for air, eyes fixed on you like he had committed some terrible crime. You wanted to get up and touch him so he knew he was in reality and that everything was fine but you didn't know if that was the best idea. You didn't know what to do and that hurt, because if you were a good friend, like Steve was to him, you'd know how to help him. 

“Bucky? It's me, it's Y/N.” You said quietly, watching his eyes flick back to you. His hands were making fists into the sheets, still tense. “You're okay, everything is fine.”

“Fine.” He repeated slowly, which made you sigh in relief.

“Yes, yes! Everything is fine, you're fine.” You scrambled for things to say, anything that would ground him. He shut his eyes tightly and slowly released the sheets, his breathing evening out slightly.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah, Buck.” You breathed out, crawling over to his bed slowly and lifted yourself onto the mattress. You put your hand on his, trying to calm him further.

“Did I, did i push you?”

“Yeah, but it's-”

“Don't say it's okay.”

You sat there silently, not knowing what to say that wouldn't upset him. His expression softened when he saw the clear discomfort on your face and his voice became softer, less harsh.

“It's not okay, i could've really hurt you.” He said, examining your arms and frowning at the bruise already forming on one. He looked away quickly, hurting people, especially you wasn't something he wanted to do. But hurting people was as easy as drinking water for him and he didn't know how to stop it. 

He didn't know how to save anyone anymore. He didn't know how to admit that or apologize for it in a way that would matter and make things better. All he could do was kiss your bruise and your lips and hold you like his life depended on it, like it was all he had left.

“Bucky, i love you. You know that right? You could never hurt me. You haven't hurt me.” You said, voice muffled into the crook of his neck. “There's things about yourself that you can't help and that's okay, it doesn't make you bad or wrong. It just means things are a little bit different for you.”

“I'm still terrible.” He muttered.

“You're not. It's okay to not be okay, Bucky.”

As you were sitting there trying to get him to believe the truth about himself, you wanted nothing more than to hide him away from every bad thought he had had about himself; from everything Hydra made him believe.

“Thanks for being here. For me.” He said, arms still heavy around you.

“You would've done the same thing for me.” You said, warm beyond belief from his body heat. You had forgotten how sweaty he was and you were sure he had sweat right through your clothes but you didn't mind because he had needed you.

“Did you talk to Steve?”

“Oh my god! Really, Buck?! That's what you're worried about?” You exclaimed, pushing Bucky back playfully. He leaned back and laughed. It was nice to hear him laugh.

“Well, did you?”

“Yes i did, okay, and we're going to ride off into the sunset on a white horse just like you want us to!”

“Oh, really? That's great news! How many kids you gonna have?”

“Hmmm, i was thinking 2.5”

“You're going to make me the godfather right?”

“Before Clint? I don't think so!” You said, feigning mock disgust.

“Aw, c’mon.” Bucky whined, throwing his head back onto the pillow.

“Seriously though, you know when you try to push two people together that it makes those two people not want to be together.”

“That's just an old tale used to scare little girls like you.”

“For some reason i don't believe you.”

“Fine, you'll see.”

“C’mon, Buck, let's go get some ice cream.”

“Sounds good to me.” Bucky said, a small frown making its way to his lips that you didn't catch. He was still upset about his nightmare.


	10. Chapter 10

“. . . . Fury told me about that.” You heard the end of Nat’s sentence, her voice full of buoyancy. Bruce shook his head smiling down at the table, being himself.

 

“Fury told you about what?” You asked, plopping yourself down next to Bruce, and putting your hand on your chin.

 

“Oh, nothing.” Nat said back comically, which made Bruce laugh once more.

 

“Seriously you two! Bruce, you'll tell me right?!” You complained, letting a small frown set itself upon your face.

 

“Go on Nat, just tell her.”

 

“Welllll, you do know how Fury loves to gossip.” She said.

 

“No, actually, i don't.”

 

“Well he does and you'll never guess what he told someone.”

 

“What did he tell them?!”

 

“He told Tony who told Rhodey, who told Thor, who told me, that Clint came by his office to have a chat this morning. And i just told Bruce and you.”

 

“What did he stop by about?”

 

“Tony said it was to dismiss himself from the team, but Thor told me it was because he was just taking a leave of absence. Either way it sounds pretty bad?”

 

“Aren't you worried, Nat!?” You asked, alarmed.

 

“Of course i am, but the fact that he didn't come to me about this and instead went around to Fury means he didn't want me to know, he didn't want any of us to know.”

 

“But of course, with all of us being who we are, we were all bound to know.” Bruce said.

 

“True but Fury wouldn't have just given out that information.” You reasoned, it was funny to you that you three were sitting there like you were deciphering the da vinci code.

 

“Maybe he didn't. Do we not know anyone who has already hacked into Shield’s database?” Bruce said, removing his glasses and looking at the both of you knowingly.

 

“Tony!” You and Nat exclaimed together.

 

“Exactly.” Bruce said.

 

“So it's Tony, but where is Clint?” You asked, still a little confused.

 

“He's on his permanent or his temporary leave of absence.” Nat said dully. “Where he went, who knows.”

 

“But why? Things were going great for all of us.” Bruce interjected.

 

“Things were going great for you and Nat, you mean. Meanwhile i broke it off with Tony because he thought i was sleeping with you and then Bucky; i hurt Clint’s feelings, got in a fight with Loki, and almost slept with Steve, so I'd say things have been going pretty shitty lately.”

 

“Way to sum it up for him.” Nat said, laughing at Bruce's expression.

 

“Hey, it's not like im lying.”

 

“I wish you had been, now i gotta live with knowing i heard you almost slept with Steve.” Bruce said.

 

“It's better to hear that she almost did than to hear that she did and have to hear the details on top of that.” Nat said, a smirk on her lips.

 

“Exactly, which i would be telling you all of the details Bruce.”

 

“No, you better never do that to me. Ever.” Bruce said seriously.”

 

“Watch out because i might.”

 

“Nat.” Bruce said.

 

“Hey, what comes out of her mouth i have no control over.” Nat said, raising her hands, palms up.

 

“You're the best spy in the world that can get anyone to say anything or not say anything!” Bruce said.

 

“True but when she decides to tell you whatever she wants to tell you then im off the clock.” 

 

“How is that even logical?” Bruce complained, throwing his hands in the air while you and Nat laughed.

 

“It's not logical at all Bruce, that's why it works.”

 

“I can see why Clint wants some time off.” Bruce interjected.

 

“Hey, just because he can't take it, it doesn't mean anything.” Nat shot back.

 

“Hey, guys, this thing with Clint is serious.”

 

“Ah, why? Is it because you became his new best friend?” Nat said.

 

Of course she had a right to say that no matter how much it twisted your insides. He was her friend first and once you had come along and she had started spending more and more time with Bruce things just changed. They shifted to where you and Clint were more while she was less with him and more with Bruce. It wasn't your fault she faded out, it wasn't your fault Clint missed her then settled for you and she was a bit Bitter about it.

 

She had to know he settled for you, and boy did that hurt in the beginning, to know that she was his first choice and it would always be that way, but you got used to it, just like she got used to Bruce. It wasn't fair that she was still condemning you for this when she could've had both but just chose one.

 

Bruce felt the shift in the room and left as quietly as he could, probably beyond nervous as to what would happen next. Your response determined what was about to happen next.

 

“You were his friend first, it should bother you too if not more than me.” You said, staring her down.

 

“It bothers me. It has always bothered me, but one learns to live with it.” Nat wasn't talking about Clint missing anymore and you knew it.

 

“How could it bother you when, oh i don't know, you just up and left him for someone else. I don't see how that would permit someone to be angry about another person finding a new friend, especially one that cares about them.”

 

She was on her feet now, chest to chest with you, smirking down at you like you had crossed the line. So fucking what. Someone needed to cross the line with her.

 

“Maybe you'll never care for him as much as i do and he knows that.”

 

“Really, Nat? How would he know that when you've turned your back on him?”

 

That made her falter for a moment, it was almost unnoticeable but you saw it there in her eyes and set of her jaw.

 

“I didn't turn my back on him.”

 

“No, you just found higher priorities.”

 

“Didn't you?”

 

“Guys, stop!” Rhodey said, coming into the room, getting between you two. “The last thing we need is one more fight breaking out here.”

 

“Do you know where Clint is?” You asked Rhodey, ignoring Nat completely. He looked at the both of you before stepping back.

 

“No, I don't. Wish i did though, i hear somethings going on with him.”

 

“There is. We're not for sure what caused it.” Nat said briskly, looking past Rhodey at you.

 

“If Fury has an idea he's not telling us.”

 

“Not like he told you or Tony in the first place.” You said, crossing your arms.

 

“Hey, you know i don't have a say in what Tony hacks. Believe me, I've tried to be the voice of reason for years.”

 

“Listen, if you hear from Clint let me know, I'm going to go look for him and see if i can find him. I have a lot of apologizing to do.”

 

“Do you think it will help?” Nat asked.

 

“Something's got to.” You said, walking away backwards to respond and then you turned around to leave. 

 

Clint couldn't be thinking of dismissing himself from the team over this. It was impossible. It was petty. It was like throwing a tantrum two sizes to big for the actual problem. It was so Clint.

 

Maybe if you apologized for everything he'd change his mind and he'd accept the two of you as just friends. Maybe he'd say that he didn't like you like he had said before, that he was mistaken, but that he did in fact love you. You could deal with that because you loved him too but it wasn't going to be that simple. It never was.

 

How could you apologize to him for not loving him the way he wanted you to. How was a ‘sorry’ remotely equivalent to the amount of love he held. Fuck.


	11. Writers notes

I am planning on doing a chapter for each avenger mentioned in the tag for the reader to end up with and will clarify which page is for who on the chapter title just so you have an option on which one you want or you could read them all, it's your call. I will be working on this as much as i can, i hope to upload a chapter every week or two, i will not abandon my work.

 

Anyway let me know what you think and im terribly sorry if you had this bookmarked and were waiting for a new chapter and instead got this, I'm doing my best to get the new chapter done, hopefully it will be good and thank you so much for enjoying and reading my work!


	12. Final: Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the 'Tony' ending. I am not doing these in any particular order, if you wish not to read this one and wait for the one you want then more power to you and i hope you enjoy it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took me this long to update, i have had a tough time lately with family issues, such as one being in critical condition. I will continue to write though, it just may take longer to finish this story but i will in fact finish this, i will not abandon it.  
> Thank you for your patience everyone. 
> 
>  
> 
> Again this is only the ending for Tony and the reader, if you choose not to read this and wait for the one you want it will not affect the story line at all. I am not uploading these in any spacific order, the characters chapter that you want could be uploaded anytime.

“I hear you need to take an evaluation.” Tony said, how long he had been in your room you weren't sure on but it was long enough to see the annoyed set of your shoulders.

 

You had been sitting at your desk for who knows how long, scribbling on paper, trying to figure out a suitable way to tell the board of directors to fuck off.

 

“And where did you hear that?” You asked drly. 

 

“Okay, i didn't hear it as much as i actually might've read it.” He confessed, sitting at the edge of your bed, probably remembering things you wished you couldn't. “I might've done a little searching around on a few team members and came across a few things.”

 

“I'm not asking you to get me out of this one.” You said bluntly, wanting to be honest.

 

“I know. I'm going to try anyway, no back talk from you about it.”

 

“Fury told me you that you probably couldn't get me out of this one.”

 

“He knows me so well.” He said, looking at you closely. 

 

“He knows us, Tony, he knows our pattern. Maybe that's what this is about.”

 

“It usually is isn't it.” He said quietly, like he was thinking to himself.

 

“‘Hear’ anything on Clint? I've tried but can't find him.”

 

“Unfortunately nothing recent, just what i had read. He's leaving, maybe indefinitely.” Tony said, gauging your reaction. Maybe he was waiting to see how much you'd care; if you'd feel more for Clint over him. 

 

Either way you were losing, either way you were hurting someone who didn't deserve to be hurt again. Either way someone wasn't going to be happy.

 

“It's my fault.” You said, letting your shoulders slump even further. Tony’s hand ghosted over your shoulder offering comfort but he pulled back indecisive.

 

“We could play the blame game all day, but i think I've played that two dozen too many times. It's his choice, let him have it.” Tony said, stepping back from you a bit. Maybe it was all becoming to real to him. 

 

“Yeah, his choice that was influenced by me.”

 

“Y/N, stop. For once, let someone else take responsibility for themselves.”

 

“I tried that. You never caught on, too worried about yourself.”

 

“You gonna make this about us again?”

 

“You always did, not where it counted of course but no i'm not making it about ‘us’ because for some reason it always had to be about you.” You said annoyed. It wasn't his fault the two of you hadn't properly hashed it out.

 

“Hey, only when you made it that way.” He said, a small smile on his lips, he had almost forgotten how much he loved you. He had forgotten.

 

“So it's my fault? I thought you said i should let people take responsibility for themselves?” You challenged, smirk faltering when you saw ‘that’ look in his eyes. The one you hadn't seen in forever.

 

“let me have this.”

 

“Like you don't already have everything else.” You spat out a little too harshly. You instantly regretted it.

 

“I don't have what really matters.” He said earnestly. “And I'm trying to be straight with you for once.”

 

“So do it.”

 

“I'm sorry, and i know it was too late when i first said it but I'm saying it again because i will never fucking stop being sorry for what i did to us.” He paused for a moment, probably thinking of what to say next and hoping it would matter. “I will do whatever it takes, and i mean whatever. It. Takes, for you to just give me one more chance. I will beg if i have to, i can't lose you, not again. I won't.”

 

The look in his eyes signified a turning point you never thought would come. It was different and it was long awaited but it made your heart skip a beat as a dozen memories flew by in your head. You had always wanted him. You had never stopped wanting him but you had been better off without him.

 

He was looking at you with pure devotion, a look you had only seen him sport when he was creating something like his suits.

 

He wanted to be better and it was all in your hands, he knew it was all up to you for once and he was going to let you have it.

 

“Do you think we'll actually be happy this time?” You asked, eyes crystaling with watery tears. You were giving into him and he knew it. You could've blamed it on the stress but you wanted this to be real.

 

“I know we will. If you'd just give me the chance, i promise this time around will be different.” He looked at you for a moment before moving his gaze away, not wanting to mess this up. “ i love you.” He said with a small laugh of surprise that he had admitted it for once.

 

Suddenly he was there trying to say the right things and then he was there saying something you'd thought he wasn't capable of. You jumped up out of your chair and held onto him as tightly as you could, smashing your lips against his.

 

“I'm going to get you out of this mess with the board.” Tony said breathless when he pulled back.

 

“And i need to find Clint; tell him I'm sorry, for everything, and probably beg him to rejoin the team.” You countered just as breathless.

 

******

 

“So you're telling me y/n needs to take a psychiatric evaluation even after, and correct me if i'm wrong, she had to take one just to be considered for the team, like we all had to do?” Tony argued with the board in front of him.

 

“The decision she made on the mission-”

 

“Was a decision made to the best of her abilities. The decision she made saved more lives than yours would've taken. But let me tell you this, if we would have went with your line of action, there would have been far more backlash.”

 

“She must take the evaluation.” One of the board of directors said, Tony acknowledged them briefly.

 

“She already has, at the beginning of her career and has passed with flying colors. It's too bad an evaluation isn't required for you to sit in a chair and pretend to make just decisions for our country.” Tony snapped back, pacing back and forth about the room. 

 

“We feel your judgment may be impaired due to your feelings for agent y/l.”

 

“With all due respect counsel, this has nothing to do with Mr. Stark. As he stated before agent l/n has already taken an evaluation and it is to my understanding that taking one cancels out the taking of any other unless just cause is found. I don't see that here.” Fury interrupted. He didn't want to see you off the team anymore that Tony.

 

******

 

“Guess what!” Tony announced his entrance loudly, scaring you to the point that you dropped your mug of tea. You frowned down at the shattered pieces. There went one of your favorite mugs. “Sorry, honey, I'll buy you a new one.” Tony said, swooping in around the mess to kiss your forehead.

 

“What are you so excited about?” You asked. “Any word on Clint?”

 

“Listen, we will definitely, most likely get to the ‘Clint’ stuff, but for right now i have a few other things i need to work out.”

 

“Okay . . . . . Like what?” 

 

“Like i have a lot of paperwork to do because i spoke to the board about the evaluation you don't have to take now.”

 

“What! Are you serious?!” You said, slapping him in the arm excitedly. “I mean, that's great and all but i really do need to find Clint. He could be leaving the team for good and i need to stop him.”

“Why are you so hung up on him? He'll be fine.”

 

“Tony, this is important to me, he is important to me. You're going to have to live with that.” You said defiantly. He came around behind you and hugged you closely to him.

 

“Okay, honey. Whatever you want. Ask for it and it's yours.”

 

“We need to find him.” You said fervently.

 

“Then we will.”


	13. Loki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki ending! It is a bit short and i dont know if i like how it turned out but it's the best ive got and i hope its decent!
> 
> Again this doesn't have to be read unless you want to.

******

"So why were you so nice to me at my party, don't bullshit me.”

“Bullshit you, dear, why, when have i ever done that?” Loki said back, sitting up on his bed. “The better thing to ask would be what are you doing in my room when i specifically asked you not to bother me here again?”

“You know i never listen to those kinds of things.”

“True.”

“So answer my question.”

“Pushy are we now?”

“Come on” you said, leaning against the door frame.

“You know why. It's the reason you came down here, because you know.” He said, eyeing you.

You did know. He liked you, a lot. You chalked it all up to you being one of the only genuine people towards him and he had somehow latched onto that but you'd have been lying if you had said you didn't feel anything for him.

Still, you wanted to ask him, just to hear it with your own ears, because you weren't about to allow him to play you as a fool. You might've been many things but a fool wasn't one of them.

“I wanted to hear it from you.” You whispered, looking down.

“That i loved you? That I've felt more for you than anyone else in existence? That i’d do anything for you, even if it meant saving the world? Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“I just wanted to feel it, coming from you.”

“Well it's all true.” He said, walking toward you, stopping just in front of you.

“You see, i think i feel the same way.”

“You think?”

“I know.” You corrected yourself.

“And what are you expecting me to do about it all?”

“Whatever you want.” You said, watching him tower over you. It was all a little too fast, you knew, but you needed something solid. Someone who wouldn't play the wrong games with you and blame you for things you couldn't control.

******

“this is new, isn't it? Not the feelings, i just mean us, here, together.” You said. 

He looked at you fondly before answering. “Yes, it is. But my hand around yours feels exceptionally good.”

“It all happened so fast.”

“Isn't that what humans like? Things to be done as soon as possible?”

“Yes but I'm worried the others won't understand.”

“i wouldn't think of it too much. How could they understand what they don't have after all?”

“It's not their fault they don't have it.”

“Yes, but we are lucky that we do and we should not let anyone tarnish what we now have.”

You smiled up at him and the positivity he was radiating. This was new but it was wonderful and maybe just maybe you had finally found the one.

Of course you still loved the others but you were going to love them the right way, the way you should have before everything went to shit. They would understand, and they would accept it.

“I love you, darling.” Loki said, manipulating a strand of your hair between his fingers.

“And i you.” You said back adoringly.

******

“Is that what you wanted?” He asked you, bringing you back to reality.

“It's what i dreamt about once, chalked it up to one of those weird dreams you have and never tell anyone about because, well, ya'know, it was weird." You admitted, leaning against the dresser. “Anyway why did Tony let you become a roomie here?” You asked off topic.

“I've told you why.”

“You told my why you thought why, not what Tony said the reason why was.”

“He said Thor suggested it and ‘who was he to ignore a God’s word’.”

“Sounds like something Tony would say.” You amended, a laugh escaping you.

“Yes, well, you do know him better than anyone here.”

“Ugh, don't bring that up.” You whined, crossing your arms. 

“It would be easier not to bring it up if we weren't under his roof.” Loki said, not at all thwarted by your attitude.

“It's not just his, it's everyone's; the initiatives.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“He didn't have to because . . . I . . . Know him so well.” You finished dully. Loki laughed in response. “You set me up!” You accused him.

“I often do.” He smirked.

“Like how you spy on my dreams ‘often’?” You had caught him, judging by the look in his face it was clear. “I mean how else would you have been able to bring up something i had dreamt before?”

“I could've read it in your diary.”

“You read my diary too?!” You exclaimed, feeling like your privacy had been disregarded.

“I didn't, i swear. I did watch in on a few of your dreams- by the way, Clint had some weird dreams.”

“Oh my god. Okay, first rule between us is, you can't spy on other people anymore.” You said, grabbing onto his arms and pulling him up.

“So i can spy on you?” He said, holding your hands by your sides and leaning down slightly.

“No, you can't.” You breathed out, turning your head to lean into him.

“are you trying to dance with me?” He asked, noticing your hands reaching up to wrap around his neck. It was weird timing but what the hell, why not.

“Maybe.” You said, still not looking at him while you played with a few strands of his hair. 

“There's no music.” He challenged, letting you move him back and forth.

“Pretend, you're good at that.” You felt him laugh against you.

This was going to be something else.


	14. Clint

“Y/N, i found him.” 

That's all you heard from the person on the other end of the phone before you jumped up, trying to do things before any information was given to you.

“Where?”

“Whoa, slow down there. He's okay, he's at the cafe on the corner.”

“Like literally around the corner?” You asked Sam, getting dressed in a hurry.

“Yes, I spotted him there about ten minutes ago.”

“Thanks, Sam!”

“No problem, if you need anything else you know where to find me.”

“Sam?”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“I'm sorry.”

“Eh it’s okay. Because it's him. . . . You better hurry like i said, he'll be gone soon.”

“Right, okay, thank you again, Sam.”

As soon as he hung up you were running out the door, still pulling your shirt on. It was probably luck that Sam found him and heart that allowed Sam to call you.

It wasn't Sam’s fault that you figured out things too slowly or that you felt like you had to say sorry to him even though you both had barely started.

He had still kissed you like he had meant it and looked at you just as similarly but there was time to grow out of those feelings. What you felt for Clint, what you had always felt for Clint was way more than what anyone else could achieve with you and you were annoyed with yourself that you had just realized your feelings while he had known all along.

You were quick to dress and throw your hair up, stumbling down the hall while trying to put your shoes on. It felt like it was taking hours to get downstairs when in reality it was more like twenty minutes.

“Y/N?”

“Sam?” You asked, you had turned on your comms for easier contact with Sam just in case anything came up.

“I lost sight of him for a moment-”

“What do you mean you lost-”

“Listen, y/n, he's in the tower now.”

“The roof.” You said mainly to yourself.

“That's not ‘in’ the tower but okay.”

“Same difference.” You said, Sam didn't answer through the comms, probably choosing to get off before he had to hear the end of any possibility you and him had.

******  
“Clint?” You said gently, walking up behind him. He was sitting on in the ledge of the building which you weren't worried about. He had more than enough reflexes to save himself.

He didn't answer you, not when you said his name or when you had put your hand on his shoulder. Instead he shrugged you off, ignoring the urge to turn around and pull you in. That was fine, he didn't have to talk, all he had to do was listen. 

You swung your leg over the side of the building, to  
Sit on the edge like he did. Fuck heights, you could do this for him. He abruptly put his hand on your leg, pushing you back lightly to the safety of the roof top.

“Don't.” He said, concern coloring his tone, his eyes still not meeting yours. “Please.”

“I miss you.” You said, your hand finding his. You weren't willing to let go, you wanted him to feel how true you were being.

“You sure you're not here to reject me again?” He said sourly, hand still laid up in yours.

The wind was freezing, whipping strands of your hair all around your face. You pulled at your sweater, trying to find more warmth, swallowing hard because of his accusation.

“I love you.” You said, tears slipping past your eyes. “I love you! So look at me, Clint, stop ignoring me like I'm here to hurt you again because that was the last damn thing i ever wanted to do!”

His eyes flicked up to you as soon as you had said that, your small outburst had shocked him more than anything.

“Don't just say that.”

“I'm not. I wouldn't just say that to you, you're not someone i could live without.”

“These past few days have been fucking horrible without you.” He whispered, shoulders falling down like a big burden had just been lifted off. “All i could do was think about you and know that whatever we had, before i told you i loved you, was over. Things would have been too different after what i had said.”

“Things will be different, just a better different.”

He had finally made his way off the ledge and over to where you were standing, allowing himself to melt against you and hold you as tightly as he had ever held you before. 

“I thought i was going to lose you forever.” He admitted, letting a big gust of air out of his lungs.

“Would have found you sooner if you would've made it easier for me. ” You said back, grasping onto him tightly.

“Sorry.” He breathed back with no witty comeback or laugh like you had expected. He really did miss you.

“You also missed my fake birthday . . . And my real one.”

“I'm sorry.”

“And you had the nerve to ask Fury to dismiss you from the team.”

“I'm sorry about that too.”

“Clint, can you do one thing for me now?” You said with a shaky tone after a long pause of thought.

“Anything.” He said, pulling away from you far enough to see your face.

“Kiss me?”


	15. Bucky

“Psst, y/n?” Bucky whispered.

“Hmm, what?” You stirred on the bed, opening one eye to the sight of Bucky leaning down, whispering to you.

“Hey, you wanna go look at the stars?”

“You woke me up for the stars?”

“Yeah.” Bucky breathed out, smiling crookedly at you. “You in or are you out?”

You leaned up on your elbows, your hair falling in your eyes as you smiled down at him.

“Of course I'm in.” 

“That's my girl.” He smiled at you, helping you up out of your bed.

“What time is it?” You asked with a sleepy tilt in your voice.

“Midnight.” He answered simply.

It was quiet in the tower as you two made it up to the roof. Everyone was asleep or out for the night and Jarvis didn't bother to say anything either. You started focusing on the feel of Bucky’s hand around yours while you were climbing the stairs with him. He didn't seem to be paying attention, too focused on getting to the roof, so you admired him as much as you could without getting caught.

When you finally hit the roof you let out a gust of breath you hadn't realized you were holding. There were no clouds in sight and a blanket spread out in the middle of the roof for the two of you to lay on.

Bucky glanced over at, a smile spread on his face; leading you forward.

“What would you have done if I didn't come here with you? I mean if i had said no.” You asked, eyeing the blanket, a small laugh passing your lips.

“Honestly? I didn't think that far ahead.”

“Of course you didn't.” You laughed. 

You both sat down next to each other, silently looking at each other. He reached up and tucked your hair away, making you look down and away absentmindedly.. 

“What are you thinking about, Buck?”

“Are you cold?” He asked.

“No, i- are you avoiding the question?”

“No, i was just wondering what you were doing here.”

“You asked me to come up here with you. Remember?” You said confused. That made him smile.

“I meant, what are you doing here, at the tower? You could do so much better than us.” He said, shaking his head.

“You guys are great. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.”

“Don't kid yourself, y/n. We're all a mess. You know that better than anyone.”

“You're trying. That's all that matters. Nobody is perfect, but you all have heart for what you do.”

“Of course you would say that. You're so optimistic. You like to see the good in everybody. That's part of the reason you started dating, Tony. . . . Have you ever stopped to think that maybe some people just aren't good at all.

“Come on, Bucky, lets enjoy these stars. We can talk about the good and the bad later.”

“Okay, you're right. I'm sorry.”

“Don't be sorry. I'm glad I'm out here with you. We haven't had much time to hang out together.”

“I know we haven't. Everything has been so crazy lately.”

“You've been quieter than usual with me though.”

“I guess I haven't been feeling myself lately.”

“Is it because of that nightmare you had that one night?”

“Not just that but it's part of it. Coming up here, looking at the stars, calms me down. Thank you for coming here with me.”

“I'd go anywhere with you, you know that, Buck. . . . So any reason why you chose me to look at the stars with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why not Steve, or Nat, or anybody else?”

“Oh. I spend time with them all of the time. Believe it or not but Steve's not much of a stargazer and Nat doesn't believe in the beauty of it . . . But you? I know you do. I know you could build a story out of these stars for me and make me believe in it. I know that you appreciate things, like these stars and you'd let them lead you anywhere.”

That kept you silent, stunned into awe at what he had said. He was looking at you. His blue eyes so clear they could have held the stars themselves. You couldn't help but lean in, keeping your eyes on his while your lips met.

It was soft and it was slow and his lips felt right against yours but he pulled away to fast and left you with nothing. He looked embarrassed and scared and you wanted to know why.

“Is- is something wrong, Bucky?”

“It shouldn't be me.”

That's all he said and it didn't mean a thing to you. He looked away, closing himself off, like what he said had explained it all and that wasn't going to work for you. Not this time.

“What do you mean by that?”

He breathed out heavily, shaking his head and turning away from you. 

“What i mean is, it shouldn't be me. I'm not good for you. Steve, he's good and he deserves a chance.”

“So what? I don't care that you think he's good. You're good too.”

“He really likes you.”

“And you don't?”

“I never said I didn't.”

“Well what if I don't want him.”

“You did.” Bucky said, finally looking at you with a stubborn set to his jaw.

“I didn't know what i wanted then.”

There was a long quiet pause, neither of you offering each other anything.

“‘Bucky, you don't understand.” He froze in place, eyes widening at your tone. “I've loved you since that day i fell down the stairs in the tower and you helped me up, and i mean I've been in love with you! I've admired you and have felt so much for you that it hurts! Why do you think I've been preoccupying myself with these other people?! Because i could never have you and after a while a part of myself gave up and tried to be Happy with Tony and It didn't seem so bad until it was bad, which was a lot. I kept telling myself this is how it was going to be, that you were never going to want me the same way i wanted you and i tried to be okay with that in all the wrong ways.” 

“Y/N, i- i didn't know- you never said anything like this before.”

“Yeah, how could you know? You were too busy trying to get me with Steve and i understand why but that still doesn't mean you should put yourself and your feelings behind him. He's not a god, Bucky. He doesn't hold your life in his hands and he certainly doesn't hold mine.”

“He deserves more than me.”

“No he doesn't, Bucky. You're just as good as he is. You deserve just as much.”

“I don't deserve you.” Bucky said, looking straight at you.

“You don't get to decide that.”

You were still sitting next to him, a fire in your eyes. You didn't want to tell him that this wasn't about him and that he was being selfish because you weren't here to be mean. You were supposed to be staring at the stars together.

“You don't get to push me to the side because you think it's the noble thing to do.” You said angrily. His face softened out and he frowned. “What do you want, Bucky? Do you like me?”

“I love you.” He said after a long pause, his voice quiet with his admittance.

“I love you too, Bucky.” You said, a weight had been lifted from you and you could hear it in the sound of your voice. He had finally admitted to you how he felt.

“Where does this leave us?” He asked, his hand on yours.

“Why don't we figure it out together?”

“Deal.” He said with a small laugh, squeezing your hand.

“We could start with finishing that kiss?”

“I'm not complaining about that.” He laughed. Scooping you up in his arms and leaning back in.

This was the start of something great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just two more chapters to go! Tell me what you all think about the fic so far :)


	16. Steve

“Do you like the fish?” Steve asked, pulling you out of your thoughts.

You looked up at him, forcing a light smile on your face, watching how fondly he looked at you.

“It's great.” You said, spearing a piece with your fork to bring it to your mouth.

This restaurant was pricey and it was classy. Two things you weren't but it's what Steve liked and it's what he thought you liked so you let him believe it.

It had a victorian era vibe to it, with marble accents laced with intricate detailing on the walls and the floor. It was beautiful and something new to you. You looked over and watched the man on the piano play his soft melodies, letting him distract you from things.

“You look beautiful tonight, not that you don't always look stunning.” Steve mumbled, averting his eyes to his plate, grabbing your attention yet again. You reached your hand out to touch his arm gently.

“Steve, half the time I'm covered in sweat and dirt. It's not something I'm hiding from” you laughed, squeezing his hand. “I don't get the chance to dress up like this very often, so thank you for asking me out on this date.”

“I wasn't sure you were going to say yes to be honest. I thought you were still hung up on Tony, and with all that happened with Clint, not that I'm saying that in any other way than matter of fact. ”

“I'm not hung up on anyone. I also don't owe either of them anything. I need to make myself happy first.”

“I'm happy to hear you're doing something for yourself for once.” He said happily, always wanting to encourage you.

“It's about time, huh?” You said comically.

“I wasn't going to push you.”

“I knew you never would. You're a gentle giant to be honest but you've never given me bad advice and anytime I've needed a reality check you've been the first to give it when asked. I appreciate you for that, Steve.”

“Can i ask you something? I don't mean to stray off topic.”

“Of course, Steve.”

“Are you serious about me?”

“I am.” You confirmed, smiling at him, watching his face light up. “Are you serious about me?”

“Of course. I've always liked who you are as a person and have had feelings for you for a while. I just knew that it was never the right time. Who was i to try and barge into your life like that.”

“It wouldn't have bothered me. Everyone else did . . . . But you're not like everyone else and I'm not sure I'm the first person who has told you that.”

“Y/N, i don't want you to settle or think that you have to.” He said, looking you straight in the eyes.

“Steve, i think I've spent enough time going back and forth, making a fool of myself, and leading people on unintentionally, i didn't need to figure out what i wanted, i already new, i just let other people's feelings come before mine and i can't do that anymore because it hurt me and it hurt them and it hurt you. This is what i want, you are who i want.”

“You sound so sure.”

“I am. I care about you and i feel something for you . . . . Bucky has also been rooting for you but that has nothing to do with my decision.” You said, watching him laugh at the mention of Bucky.

“I told him not to say anything.”

“He doesn't listen to you much.” You laughed, taking another bite of your food. “He's talked about you nonstop. Almost makes me wish i had known the Steve Roger’s before the war.”

“Yeah . . . I doubt you would've liked me then. Things were different, i was different.”

“I know. You've always been a good person, Steve, that's what matters.”

“I'm glad you think so.” He said, smiling. “It comes with a lot of responsibilities.”

“It does.” You said evenly, placing your hand on his yet again. “Thank you for everything. I know I've been confusing and difficult and embarrassing.”

“Please, I've been the embarrassing one. I wouldn't even tell you how i felt. I didn't even try because i was afraid you'd say no, and i knew you would while you were with Tony. It wasn't my place to get in the middle of things just because i liked you. That would have been selfish of me.”

“I think it would be nice if we could just start over and forget all the drama that had happened. A clean slate on things.”

“Okay, we can do that. It would probably be better that way.”

“We're starting now, everything before this night no longer matters, okay?”

“Okay, i can work with that.”

“Speaking of work, i have a mission coming up.”

“You do. I do also but I'm assuming we are going seperate places. I haven't received my file yet,”

“Neither have i. I was hoping we'd be assigned to the same one.”

“Hmm, i think we would have to stay professional and not distract each other; keep focused on the work.”

“Of course.” You nodded, being as serious as you could. “I was also thinking we could train together more.”

“I think that would be a great idea, we can learn things together.”

“Please, you'd be more like the teacher and I'd be the student. You know every move there is. I only know the ones in the book.” He laughed at that, shaking his head.

“The ones in the book are the most important Y/N, but i can show you a few others if you want.”

“I do want to learn more.” You said, sure. The more yiu could know the better and working along side Steve was a huge plus. 

“Do you think it's too early to tell people about us?” He asked unsure. 

“We're official so no, I don't think it's too early. We could tell them if they ask.”

“If that's what you want, we can do that.” Steve said, waiving the waiter over. “Are you ready?”

“Oh, of course, i’m ready.”

You sat silently, observing the beauty of Steve. His eyes were beautiful with a full set of eyelashes to accompany them. They swept across his cheeks when he blinked. You thought you could sit there and watch that forever.

You could stay in that one spot and watch him for eternity because he was literal grace, especially within the way he moved. You wanted to be able to admire everything about him and pin point who he really was recurringly.

And now you had that time to be by his side and learn things with him. You felt as if you had finally found your home within someone.

**Author's Note:**

> I am really excited for this fic because it is a surprise relationship and at the end we will figure out who the reader ends up with.
> 
> I would really love your input and ideas, who should the reader end up with and why? Is there something you'd like me to try and add?
> 
> Remember kudos and comments are love.


End file.
